(I am our store’s lead trainer, and am also a licensed high school teacher. I don’t tolerate whining for very long. The coworker in question is a new hire I finished training a few weeks ago. He is a teenager who constantly whines for attention by putting himself down.)

Me: “[Coworker], make sure that when you bring clean dishes out, you remember to put them away. It’s not sanitary to leave them sitting on the counter.”

(My coworker heaves a huge, melodramatic sigh.)

Coworker: “I’m sorry; I know I never do anything right around here. I’m so bad at this job; I feel like I’m always messing up and you guys hate me and want me to quit. I’m trying really hard and—”

Me: “LISTEN HERE! You are a good employee who will be a great employee as soon as you stop second-guessing yourself! Nobody wants you to quit; everyone actually likes you! You’re not stupid; you’re not bad at your job, and you DO try hard! Now get back to work minus the whining this time!”

(My coworker stares blankly at me for a long moment, totally shocked, and then shuffles to the back to keep working on dishes. Coworker #2 is staring at me in amazement.)

Coworker #2: “That was the angriest string of compliments I’ve ever heard!”

(For the record, the coworker shaped up after that little incident and quit all of his attention-seeking whining. Just like I told him, he’s a great employee!)

(Outside the coffee shop where I work, there’s a beggar who sits there just about every day. I always bring him a cup of coffee when it’s quiet. As I am not allowed to bring my own wallet behind the counter, I pay for it at the end of the day before I close the till. On this particular day, a customer I have just finished serving and has been watching me intently, follows me outside.)

Customer: “Excuse me, what the h*** are you doing?”

Me: “I’m bringing this gentleman coffee.”

Customer: “What, for free?”

Me: “Not that it’s any of your business, but no, I will pay for it tonight.”

Customer: “What, so you’ll pay for my coffee too?”

Me: “No, sir. Clearly you can afford to buy your own.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! I work hard, I buy the most expensive thing on your menu every day, I pay my taxes, yet I don’t get free coffee! Does your boss know you’re doing this?”

Me: “Yes, sir. He approves.”

Customer: “F*** you. No he doesn’t. He doesn’t want bums walking around with [Brand] cups! I’m going to report you. Who’s your boss?”

(I point to the Catholic church across the street.)

Me: “That guy. If you want to file a complaint, you’ll have to wait. He’s usually only in on Sundays.”

(Amazingly, that was the end of that.)

(I am a 13-year-old girl. My dad loves to give me nicknames. Sometimes he uses normal ones like ‘sweet pea’ or ‘sweetness.’ Other times, he tries to make up his own.)

Me: “Good morning, Dad!”

Dad: “Good morning, ‘Pea-ness!'”

(We both pause.)

Dad: “I’m never making up nicknames again.”

Server: “Hi! What would you like today?”

Me: “Could I have a muffin and a green tea?”

Server: “Sure! Would you like to try one of our new snack wraps?”

Me: “Oh, no thanks. I don’t eat chicken.”

Server: “Are you sure? They aren’t all chicken!”

Me: “Oh, really? They’re usually chicken. Okay, sure! Which ones aren’t chicken?”

Server: “Well, there’s… um… hmm…”

(The server goes silent and looks zoned out for a second, before turning back to me.)

Server: “Is that all for you today?”

Me: “So, no non-chicken wraps?”

Server: “Your total is [total].”

(Canada Day is right around the corner, and our member of Parliament is coming to town to partake in the ceremonies and make a few funding announcements. It kicks off with a breakfast ceremony at the public golf course, where he’ll be presenting the golf course with a grant. Our station’s news reporter writes up a news story about the MP (Member of Parliament) coming to town, including the golf course, and reads it on the air. And then, he gets a call…)

Caller: “Yes, I was wondering how one would get tickets to that breakfast ceremony with the MP?”

Reporter: “Oh, I’m sorry. As I said in my news story, that event is by invitation only.”

Caller: “So you admit it, then.”

Reporter: “Admit what?”

Caller: “THAT YOU LIED IN YOUR NEWS STORY!”

Reporter: “Excuse me?”

Caller: “I’m the manager of the golf course, and I clearly heard you say that people can buy tickets to the breakfast with the MP!”

Reporter: “I said no such thing. The news story is posted to our website, and you can listen it to again to be sure what you heard.”

Caller: “ARE YOU CALLING ME A LIAR? I KNOW WHAT I HEARD! Because you LIED on the radio about MY golf course, you are hereby BANNED from the MP’s breakfast and BANNED from the golf course!”

(The reporter shares this story with me. He’s quite shaken by it. The big day arrives, and the reporter heads off to cover some of the non-golf-course-related events going on, when I get a call at the station. It’s our MP himself.)

MP: “Hey, [My Name]. Do you know where [Reporter] is? We’re about to do this presentation at the golf course, and he’s not here yet.”

Me: “Oh, he’s not coming. The manager banned him from this event today.”

MP: “What?!”

(I quickly relay the story to the MP.)

MP: “I don’t know what the golf course manager’s problem is, but [Reporter] is NOT banned from this event. He can come as my personal guest.”

(I quickly call up the reporter, give him the good news, and he speeds off to the golf course. And a few days later, I heard the golf course got a new manager!)