(I am busy cleaning the dining area. I have just removed a full trash bin from its holder, leaving the door to said holder wide open. This is to signal that there is no trash can there, so customers should try another one. As I start carrying the bin to the back, I hear the sound of a tray, disposable plates, and various sauces hitting the floor. I turn around to see a customer has tossed their trash into the empty space where the bin used to be, making a mess on the floor. The customer immediately looks at me like a kid that was caught stealing cookies.)

Customer: “The nerve of some people, making such messes like this! Shame on whoever did this!”

(The customer quickly leaves. Another customer who has seen the exchange starts laughing.)

Other Customer: “Kinda makes you lose your faith in humanity, doesn’t it?”

Me: *sighs* “Welcome to customer service, where everything is your fault and the reason doesn’t matter.”

Me: “Mom, [Boyfriend] and I had our first fight.”

Mom: “Oh no, what about?”

Me: “Drone strikes.”

(I work in a call center that directs calls to local benefits offices. It’s a dull job, but I try to keep positive when I greet people on the phone.)

Me: “Good morning, [Job Center] national switchboard, [Name] speaking; how can I help?”

Caller: “You sound very happy.”

Me: “Well, yes, it’s a nice day today! How can I help?”

Caller: “No one at [Job Center] is happy. You can’t be at [Job Center]! You must be a scam!”

(The caller hangs up.)

Me: “…what just happened?”

(A customer brings up a skein of yarn to the register. I see she is intending to use a coupon.)

Me: “Ma’am, that coupon won’t work on the yarn because it is on clearance.”

Customer: “Well, that’s not very fair. It’s only a few cents off from the normal price, anyway.”

Me: “Actually, these are normally about $6, and it’s coming up for $2.64, so it’s cheaper than you would get using a coupon on a regular-priced one. Would you still like to buy it?”

Customer: “It’s not fair! Why can’t I get my discount!? This is ridiculous!”

Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way, but we don’t give discounts on clearance items.”

Customer: “Oh, I bet you are.”

(I am becoming both annoyed and nervous that the customer is going to have a full-on meltdown over this. I attempt to sound deeply sorry.)

Me: “I cannot express how bad I feel about this, ma’am. There’s really just not much I can do here.”

(The customer suddenly starts laughing and smiling.)

Customer: “Oh, I’m sure. I still don’t think it’s fair, but thank you for having some humor about it!”

(The customer pays for her yarn and leaves. The next customer in my line has been watching the whole exchange and is just as surprised as me that things didn’t turn ugly.)

Next Customer: “Is your boss around?”

Me: “Actually, I’m the boss right now; I’m the only manager here tonight.”

Next Customer: “Oh, well I would like to compliment the crap out of you! I was going to say something pretty soon if she kept on like that!”

(Outside the coffee shop where I work, there’s a beggar who sits there just about every day. I always bring him a cup of coffee when it’s quiet. As I am not allowed to bring my own wallet behind the counter, I pay for it at the end of the day before I close the till. On this particular day, a customer I have just finished serving and has been watching me intently, follows me outside.)

Customer: “Excuse me, what the h*** are you doing?”

Me: “I’m bringing this gentleman coffee.”

Customer: “What, for free?”

Me: “Not that it’s any of your business, but no, I will pay for it tonight.”

Customer: “What, so you’ll pay for my coffee too?”

Me: “No, sir. Clearly you can afford to buy your own.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! I work hard, I buy the most expensive thing on your menu every day, I pay my taxes, yet I don’t get free coffee! Does your boss know you’re doing this?”

Me: “Yes, sir. He approves.”

Customer: “F*** you. No he doesn’t. He doesn’t want bums walking around with [Brand] cups! I’m going to report you. Who’s your boss?”

(I point to the Catholic church across the street.)

Me: “That guy. If you want to file a complaint, you’ll have to wait. He’s usually only in on Sundays.”

(Amazingly, that was the end of that.)