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Little Sister Photobomb

| Related | November 8, 2013


Tall Tales From Little People

| London, England, UK | Related | November 8, 2013

(My five-year-old daughter has just started a new school. I am collecting her one afternoon when the teacher asks to talk to me.)

Teacher: “Hello, Mrs. [My Name]. Your daughter is catching up well, but she has said something recently that I thought I had better ask you about.”

Me: “Okay.”

Teacher: “She has told us all that you are not her real mother. She says that you found her on the doorstep in a basket and adopted her.”

Me: “That’s interesting.”

Teacher: “I don’t really think she is telling the truth, but she is very convincing.”

(I look at my daughter, who is sitting there wide-eyed, listening to her whole fantasy being laid out to me.)

Me: “It wasn’t a basket. It was a cake tin; somebody left me a little fruitcake.”

(I turn my attention back to the teacher.)

Me: “Thanks for letting me know. It’s all a complete fabrication, of course. We’ll have a little chat about the perils of spinning stories and pretending they are true.”

(My, now grown-up daughter has continued making up stories all her life. She writes a lot in her spare time, and now works in the TV and film industry!)

Be-Laboring The Point

| UT, USA | Related | November 8, 2013

(I’m in the hospital, in labor with my first child. In the weeks prior, my mom has often reminded me to let her know I’m in labor as early as possible so she has time to make arrangements for my younger siblings, and make the hour drive to be with me. She’s been overly insistent about it, as she thinks I won’t tell her. My husband is on the phone with her.)

Husband: “Hi, just wanted to let you know we’re at the hospital, and they’re saying the baby’s coming soon.”

(I can’t hear my mom, but based on my husband’s tone of voice, I can tell she’s saying something he’s frustrated about. I have an oxygen mask on, and pull it off to talk.)

Me: “If she’s saying something about needing advanced notice, she can just get over it!”

(The doctor laughs quietly. I end up delivering the baby an hour and a half after walking in the door, so my mom wouldn’t have made it in time anyway!)

Whole New Meaning To Peaches And Cream

| CA, USA | Related | November 8, 2013

(On a family trip to California, I spot part of a sign on the highway saying ‘PEACHES.’ My little eight-year-old sister and I both love fresh peaches from a farm in California.)

Me: “Look, [Sister’s Name]! Peaches!”

(When I see the whole sign, it turns out it’s actually an advertisement for an 18+ gentleman’s club, and not real peaches like I initially thought.)

Me: *embarrassed* “…not these kind of peaches!”

(My sister laughs hysterically.)

But Murder He Is Okay With

| CA, USA | Related | November 8, 2013

(We are watching ‘Chucky’. We are at the part where the dolls are driving the car.)

Little Brother: “Why are they driving? They’re underage.”

Me: “They’re dolls coming to life to kill people.”

Little Brother: “But driving underage is against the law!”

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