(I’m 16, and deeply invested in classic rock music. My grandmother, my mother, and I are in a store that sells wares that appeal to the hippie or stoner demographic. They’re looking at t-shirts, while I’m looking at posters. The store is full of Pink Floyd merchandise.)

Grandma: “This Pink Floyd guy must be pretty popular. Look at all these t-shirts with his name on them!”

(My mom and I, both big Pink Floyd fans, look at her for a while.)

Mom: “Uh, Mom? Pink Floyd is a band.”

(Unable to resist, I lean over to my mother and whisper a line from a song by Pink Floyd.)

Me: “Oh, by the way… which one’s Pink?”

Mom: *cracks up laughing*

Grandma: “…I don’t get it.”

(My grandma still thinks Pink Floyd is just a guy.)

(I’m in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend, chatting on IM. She’s just told me it’s getting very windy outside her house, and they’re expecting a severe storm.)

Me: “Just stay safe, okay?”

Girlfriend: “I will. I’m staying inside.”

Me: “Dorothy did that, and look where it got her.”

(I have left very little toilet paper on the roll, and my fiancée is in the bathroom.)

Fiancée: “Honey, there’s no toilet paper!”

(I get her another roll, as it’s in the hall closet.)

Me: “Sorry for leaving you high and dry like that!”

Fiancée: “No, you DIDN’T leave me dry! That’s the problem here!”

(I’m a new hire. I am attending the training classes with five other new hires. The supervisor finishes a lecture on safety and emergencies.)

Supervisor: “And in the highly unlikely event of a robbery, don’t try to be a hero. Just do what the guy says, and give him what he wants. Then you call me, and I’ll take it from there. Are there any questions?”

New Hire: “Uh, yeah, what if he has a gun?”

Supervisor: “Then you do as he says.”

New Hire: “What if he SAYS he has a gun, but he’s only pretending?”

Supervisor: “Then you do as he says.”

New Hire: “What if he says he has no gun, but he still demands the money?”

Supervisor: *visibly agitated* “You do as he says.”

New Hire: “Okay, but what if he doesn’t have a gun, but he does have a knife, and he—”

Supervisor: “FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! YOUR SAFETY IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN A LITTLE MONEY! DO AS HE SAYS!”

(I own a small coffee shop in the central business district of Auckland. It is surrounded by offices, and so our clientele are typically professional types. I am approached at the counter by a confident, well-dressed customer in a casual suit.)

Customer: “Can you help me? I’ve locked myself out of my car, and my wife has gone off shopping. My wallet is in the car. I wonder if you could let me have a sandwich and coffee until she gets back?”

Me: “Sure! What would you like?”

(I proceed to serve him. He thanks me profusely and gives me his business card. The bill is no more than $12. After an hour or so, he gets up to leave and approaches me on the way out.)

Customer: “Thanks so much! I’ll meet my wife, get into the car and come back and settle up.”

Me: “No worries!”

(The customer never returns. The sum involved was small, so I did not really care, but after a few days I sent a gentle text message reminder to the number on the business card. I thought maybe he forgot and could pay me next time he was in town. It turns out that the business card was not his. He had approached someone in the car park and given them the ‘locked out of car’ story and apologetically asked to borrow $10 to get home. He had also insisted that the good Samaritan who had given him the $10 also give him a business card so he could ‘get the money back to him.’ The guy tells me he thought it was a bit odd that the customer was so keen to get the card. After hearing this, I was both surprised and a little impressed at the fraudster’s boldness and ingenuity, but did not envy him. What a terrible way to choose to live: scamming people a few dollars at a time.)