Date: “Were you Blur or Oasis?”

Me: “Pulp!”

Date: “Yup, you’ll do!”

(I’m working at the grocery counter, and we are absolutely slammed and very short-staffed. I am on an eight-hour shift, and our payroll department automatically takes out 30 minutes of pay for lunch when we work past six.)

Me: “Hey, do you know if I’m going to be able to go to lunch soon? I’m already past the four-hour mark.”

Supervisor: “It might be late, but you’ll get it.”

Me: “You sure? We’re really busy, so I was worried.”

Supervisor: “Don’t worry; I’ll talk to the manager. It won’t be a problem.”

(My supervisor leaves to go speak with the manager.)

Supervisor: *to the manager* “Hey, can [My Name] get her lunch break? She’s already been here over four hours.”

Manager: “Well, if we have time.”

Supervisor: “If we have time?”

Manager: “We’re really busy. She might have to go without.”

Supervisor: “You know that that’s incredibly illegal, right? A violation of labor laws?”

Manager: “…”

Supervisor: “…”

Manager: *to me, grumpily* “Go on break.”

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(I have left very little toilet paper on the roll, and my fiancée is in the bathroom.)

Fiancée: “Honey, there’s no toilet paper!”

(I get her another roll, as it’s in the hall closet.)

Me: “Sorry for leaving you high and dry like that!”

Fiancée: “No, you DIDN’T leave me dry! That’s the problem here!”

(I’ve just finished telling my mom about a boy at school that I have a crush on, who has asked me to hang out one day after school. I’m 14, and my little sister, who has been listening the entire time, is 7.)

Mom: “I think it’s great that you might have a boyfriend, honey.”

Sister: “Yeah, well, I have a boyfriend too, mama.”

Me: *snorts* “Yeah, right.”

Sister: “I DO! I have a boyfriend! He’s from China.”

Me: “Yeah? Well, what’s his name?”

(My little sister thinks for a second, then sports a giant grin.)

Sister: “Tokyo!”

(Our restaurant is along a fairly popular tourist route. It’s not uncommon to get customers from out of the country during the summer and fall seasons. I hear my coworker having an argument with a customer.)

Coworker: “I already told you we don’t serve that here!”

Customer: “Of course you do; I can see them from here.”

Coworker: “I don’t know what you’re looking at but we don’t sell chips. If you want some that badly you can go to the gas station across the street.”

Me: “Is everything okay?”

Coworker: “This guy wants chips but we don’t sell chips! He won’t listen to me.”

Me: “Sir, you would like to order some chips today?”

Customer: “Yes please.”

(I ring the order in myself and bring the customer his ‘chips.’ He leaves happily.)

Coworker: “What the… you just gave him fries!? How—”

Me: “He’s from England; they call fries ‘chips.’ Didn’t you notice his accent?”

Coworker: “Oh… I guess he did talk kind of funny…”