(I’m in a civilization class. We’re talking about ancient people of the Mediterranean.)

Teacher: “…and it’s suggested that some practiced homosexuality.”

Student #1: “Ew!”

Student #2: *to Student #1* “Really?”

Teacher: “If you have a problem with that, you’re not really going to like when we discuss the more warlike cultures. They believed having such relations on the battlefield made them better warriors.”

(The class, while not disgusted like Student #1, still takes a few seconds to try to figure out that logic. Then, one of the more spaced-out students speaks up.)

Student #3: “Does that mean prisoners could be considered great warriors?”

Teacher: “I’m not going to answer that.”

(I’m 16, and deeply invested in classic rock music. My grandmother, my mother, and I are in a store that sells wares that appeal to the hippie or stoner demographic. They’re looking at t-shirts, while I’m looking at posters. The store is full of Pink Floyd merchandise.)

Grandma: “This Pink Floyd guy must be pretty popular. Look at all these t-shirts with his name on them!”

(My mom and I, both big Pink Floyd fans, look at her for a while.)

Mom: “Uh, Mom? Pink Floyd is a band.”

(Unable to resist, I lean over to my mother and whisper a line from a song by Pink Floyd.)

Me: “Oh, by the way… which one’s Pink?”

Mom: *cracks up laughing*

Grandma: “…I don’t get it.”

(My grandma still thinks Pink Floyd is just a guy.)

(Our restaurant is along a fairly popular tourist route. It’s not uncommon to get customers from out of the country during the summer and fall seasons. I hear my coworker having an argument with a customer.)

Coworker: “I already told you we don’t serve that here!”

Customer: “Of course you do; I can see them from here.”

Coworker: “I don’t know what you’re looking at but we don’t sell chips. If you want some that badly you can go to the gas station across the street.”

Me: “Is everything okay?”

Coworker: “This guy wants chips but we don’t sell chips! He won’t listen to me.”

Me: “Sir, you would like to order some chips today?”

Customer: “Yes please.”

(I ring the order in myself and bring the customer his ‘chips.’ He leaves happily.)

Coworker: “What the… you just gave him fries!? How—”

Me: “He’s from England; they call fries ‘chips.’ Didn’t you notice his accent?”

Coworker: “Oh… I guess he did talk kind of funny…”

(I am a young child. My grandpa is telling me about the neighbors.)

Grandpa: “You know, that lady who lives beside us had a pet monkey. When it died, she ate it. Stay away from her.”

(Several years pass. I am now an adult.)

Me: “Yeah, Mom, I was thinking the other day about Mrs. [Name], and how she ate her pet monkey.”

Mom: “Who told you that? She loved that monkey. I gave her a doll blanket to bury him in. She even had a little tombstone made for him.”

Me: “Dang, Pawpaw was an a**-hole.”

Mom: “Yes.”

(Our family home-schools, and my mom challenges my brother and I to draw a map of the world for a geography class. She decides to do this after dinner, so that my dad and grandmother can participate.)

Mom: “Alright, Mama, let’s see your map.”

(Grandma shows us her map, which, in addition to the standard continents, has one in the Arctic circle labelled ‘Arctica.’)

Me:“Grandma…”

Grandma: “Well, in school when I was growing up, Europe and Asia were combined into Eurasia, but we still learned that there were seven continents, so I thought—”

Me: “—that South America didn’t exist?”

(She’s never been able to live that one down.)