(I am a young child. My grandpa is telling me about the neighbors.)

Grandpa: “You know, that lady who lives beside us had a pet monkey. When it died, she ate it. Stay away from her.”

(Several years pass. I am now an adult.)

Me: “Yeah, Mom, I was thinking the other day about Mrs. [Name], and how she ate her pet monkey.”

Mom: “Who told you that? She loved that monkey. I gave her a doll blanket to bury him in. She even had a little tombstone made for him.”

Me: “Dang, Pawpaw was an a**-hole.”

Mom: “Yes.”

(Our family home-schools, and my mom challenges my brother and I to draw a map of the world for a geography class. She decides to do this after dinner, so that my dad and grandmother can participate.)

Mom: “Alright, Mama, let’s see your map.”

(Grandma shows us her map, which, in addition to the standard continents, has one in the Arctic circle labelled ‘Arctica.’)

Me:“Grandma…”

Grandma: “Well, in school when I was growing up, Europe and Asia were combined into Eurasia, but we still learned that there were seven continents, so I thought—”

Me: “—that South America didn’t exist?”

(She’s never been able to live that one down.)

Date: “Were you Blur or Oasis?”

Me: “Pulp!”

Date: “Yup, you’ll do!”

(I’m 16, and deeply invested in classic rock music. My grandmother, my mother, and I are in a store that sells wares that appeal to the hippie or stoner demographic. They’re looking at t-shirts, while I’m looking at posters. The store is full of Pink Floyd merchandise.)

Grandma: “This Pink Floyd guy must be pretty popular. Look at all these t-shirts with his name on them!”

(My mom and I, both big Pink Floyd fans, look at her for a while.)

Mom: “Uh, Mom? Pink Floyd is a band.”

(Unable to resist, I lean over to my mother and whisper a line from a song by Pink Floyd.)

Me: “Oh, by the way… which one’s Pink?”

Mom: *cracks up laughing*

Grandma: “…I don’t get it.”

(My grandma still thinks Pink Floyd is just a guy.)

(I am in chemistry class, doing class work on UV rays when one of my classmates pokes me.)

Me: “Yes?”

Classmate: “I don’t get this question.”

Me: *reads* “Why can’t you get a tan from a radio?”

(The classmate just stares at me blankly.)

Me: “Okay, well… do radios emit sunlight?”

Classmate: “…wha?”

Me: “Do radios emit sunlight?”

Classmate: “No?”

Me: “Have you ever seen a radio emit sunlight?”

Classmate: “No?”

Me: “Wonderful, so a radio doesn’t emit UV rays; it emits radio waves.”

Classmate: “Huh?”

Me: “…hence the name ‘radio?'”

Classmate: “OHHHHHH!”