(I am a tenth-grade student spending her free period in the library. It is the first week of school. From my position near the door I can see my old French teacher bringing her new class of seventh-graders into the library to check out the books.)

Librarian: “Wow. The advanced French class has a lot of students this year!”

Teacher: “Yes. We’ve actually got twenty-four students this year. I’m not sure what to do with them all.”

Student: *piping up very excitedly* “We’ve got enough for a hunger games!”

(I’m looking for a popular Christmas jumper (sweater) and have finally found one in my size. It is the last one in the store and I have put it in my trolley. I’m just browsing around the other clothes when a customer looks into my trolley and takes the jumper.)

Me: “Excuse me, but what are you doing?”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “That jumper was in my trolley. I’m buying it.”

Customer: “No. It wasn’t. I’ve just got this off the rail! Stop hassling me!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I just WATCHED YOU take it out of my trolley and put it into your basket. Can you please give it back so I can go and buy it?”

Customer: “No. It’s not your colour. Anyway, I didn’t take it out of your trolley.”

Me: “Okay. There is an easy way of solving this. Why don’t we go and visit security and get them to look at the camera? If you took it out of my trolley then you give it back. If you didn’t and I was mistaken I will pay for the jumper for you as an apology. How does that sound?”

Customer: “HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME OF BEING A THIEF YOU F*****G SKANK!”

Me: “Right. I’ve had enough of this now. I came here just for that jumper.”

(I grab it out of the basket. The customer walks away, muttering loudly.)

Customer: “Such a b****. Ruining Christmas for me!”

(It is my first week of my first retail job. This supermarket has only just reopened after being destroyed in an earthquake. It is also a week before Christmas. Due to the time of year, the novelty of the new store, and the fact that almost every single worker is still in training, it is completely packed. I am halfway through an 8-hour shift.)

Me: “Here you go, $10.50 change. Have a nice day!”

Customer: “Thank you.”

(I go on to serve the next customer, but the first comes back immediately.)

Customer: “Excuse me. You gave me too much change.”

(She holds out her change. I had not given her a $10 note as I should have, but a $100 note.)

Me: “Oh, my God! I’m so sorry! Thank you so much for bringing that back!”

Customer: “No worries. You just be careful.”

(I’ve been a lot better at change ever since!)

(My wife and I have gone shopping for the holidays. One of the gifts we bought is for her elderly mother, who lives with us. However, we don’t plan on giving it to her until her birthday in March. My wife leaves the gift sitting out. I ask her about it.)

Me: “Aren’t you worried your mom will see that sitting there?”

Wife: “Oh, I already told her that I bought it so she won’t ask anyone else for one.”

Me: “Okay. But you’re not going to give it to her until her birthday, right?”

Wife: “Right. She probably will have forgotten about it by then.”

Me: “You see the flaw in your logic. Don’t you?”

(A customer and his wife approach the service counter.)

Customer: “Hey. Can you get someone out to the Christmas trees? We want one cut.”

Me: “Sure! There actually should be someone out there, but he may have stepped inside or something. I’ll call him right up for you.”

Customer: “Well, he’s not out there!”

Me: “Okay. No problem. But I know they’re still closed out there. Do you want to go ahead and buy a tree, so you don’t have to come back in and buy it?”

Customer: “No! I just want a tree!”

Customer’s Wife: “Yes. Maybe about six feet.”

Me: “Oh, okay.”

Customer: “No. Just get someone out there to cut trees.”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

(As I call the manager who’s supposed to be cutting the trees, the customer walks away in a huff.)

Customer: *sarcastically* “Great customer service!”

(I talk to the manager on the phone and note that the customer’s wife is still there.)

Customer’s Wife: *to my coworker* “Can you call me a manager?”

Coworker: “Oh, of course.”

Customer’s Wife: “And YOU! That was very rude! I’ve worked years of retail, and I’ll have you know that rolling your eyes at a customer and back-talking is not acceptable!”

(I am stunned, but I know better than to argue with her.)

Me: “Apologies, then. I hadn’t realized I’d done either.”

Customer’s Wife: “Well, you’ve been very rude! This is not the attitude of someone working in retail!”

Me: “I’m very sorry. I meant no offence.”

(At this point, the manager arrives.)

Manager: “Hello. What’s the problem?”

Customer’s Wife: “I have a complaint about this little girl!”

Manager: *incredulously* “[My Name]?”

Customer’s Wife: “Yes. She rolled her eyes at me! And said ‘yes, sir’ to my husband! And was just very flippant!”

Manager: “Well, ma’am, I shall certainly do something to correct the problem. Sorry for the inconvenience.”

Customer’s Wife: “Thank you!”

(The customer’s wife walks away in a huff. The manager shakes her head. The manager turns to me, and I explain what happened. My manager turns to my coworker for verification.)

Manager: “Was she rude or something?”

Coworker: “No! She was very nice and polite, as always.”

Manager: *to me* “Normally, if this was anyone else, I’d say something, but I can’t really get onto you for saying ‘sir.’ Maybe next time she comes in, we should be like, ‘b****, there’s your tree!'”