Me: “Hi there, [Company Name], [My Name] speaking; how can I help you?”

Customer: “I need some information about my GPS; can you transfer me?”

Me: “Well what kind of information are you looking for?”

Customer: “Oh, can you help me? It’s a little embarrassing.”

Me: “That’s okay; I’ll do my best.”

Customer: “Okay, you know when you turn it on and it loads up and there’s a map?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Customer: “Well, there’s this little arrow that’s pointing, and I don’t know where it’s pointing to. It’s not pointing north; it’s just all over the place.”

Me: “Is it pointing the direction you’re facing?”

Customer: “What? No. I mean it’s just pointing. I’ve looked up tutorials online and everything. No one seems to have this issue.”

Me: “Is it pointing off the edge of the screen? Have you entered a destination?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Okay, does the arrow spin when you turn around?”

Customer: “Yes! I don’t understand!”

Me: “Well then, it’s telling you what direction you’re facing.”

Customer: “What? I don’t understand.”

Me: “Let’s see. How can I explain this? If you were at a crossroad—”

Customer: “No, you don’t understand! I’m in my living room and it’s pointing due east!”

Me: “Are you facing due east?”

Customer: “Oh, why yes I am! Thank you so much! You have a nice day now.”

Manager: “Where’ve you been?”

Coworker: “Toilet.”

Manager: “Again? Are you ill or something?”

Coworker: “No, but there’s no contractual maximum amount of s***s I can take in one day, is there?”

Me: “He’s got you there.”

(Our carousel has a height requirement: 45 inches and smaller require an adult with them. We allow 15 year olds and up to accompany a small child. A girl is coming into line with her little sister, who is not tall enough to ride alone. I don’t believe the older sister is 15.)

Me: “How old are you?”

Older Sister: “I’m 11.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. You have to be at least 15 to bring a child on. Is Mom or Dad with you?”

(The girls walk away, and come back with their mom.)

Mom: “You won’t let the big one go with her? She’s fifteen.”

Me: “Well, she just told me she was 11.”

Mom: *shuts up*

(I have left very little toilet paper on the roll, and my fiancée is in the bathroom.)

Fiancée: “Honey, there’s no toilet paper!”

(I get her another roll, as it’s in the hall closet.)

Me: “Sorry for leaving you high and dry like that!”

Fiancée: “No, you DIDN’T leave me dry! That’s the problem here!”

(I’m in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend, chatting on IM. She’s just told me it’s getting very windy outside her house, and they’re expecting a severe storm.)

Me: “Just stay safe, okay?”

Girlfriend: “I will. I’m staying inside.”

Me: “Dorothy did that, and look where it got her.”