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Putting Him Through The Meat Grinder

| Canada | Romantic | November 11, 2013

(I bring my boyfriend home for dinner. My parents are strict Asians who don’t approve of me dating and my boyfriend knows of this, which makes him nervous about making a bad impression.)

Mom: “[Boyfriend], I made fried-rice. Have some.”

Me: “Mom, that has meat in it.”

Mom: “So?”

Me: “[Boyfriend] is vegetarian.”

Mom: “So? He can eat around. It’s fine.”

Me: “But it’s cooked in—”

Boyfriend: “It’s okay.”

Me: “But—”

Boyfriend: “I can eat around it.”

(I shudder to think of the consequences he had to pay on the toilet later to try to not to offend my parents!)

Is Going To Pay For That One

| Williamsport, PA, USA | Romantic | November 11, 2013

(My fiancée and I make a contribution of $125 to a Kickstarter project. She promises to give me $50 back as part of me being the one to use my card for the donation.)

Me: “So, about that $50 you owe me?”

Fiancée: “How about I pay you for sex?”

Me: “Um… maybe, but it’s probably not going to be very good. I have certain skills, but—”

Fiancée: “Hence why it’ll only cost $50.”

The Entire Male Population

| Romantic | November 11, 2013

13511

Enough With The Pillow Talk

| Grayson, GA, USA | Romantic | November 11, 2013

(My husband and I are laying in the bed after he’s come home from work. Suddenly, he grabs his pillow and smacks me with it.)

Me: “What was that for?”

Husband: “That’s me telling you I want to do it.”

(He gives me his idea of a roguish grin and exaggerated eyebrow wiggle.)

Me: “Wait, so your idea of telling me you’re in the mood is to hit me with a pillow?”

Husband: “Hey, a couple thousand years ago, that’d be considered light flirting!”

Puts His Own Spin On It

| MO, USA | Learning | November 11, 2013

(I’m in the printmaking studio with friends, and it’s near the end of the semester. Most of our projects are finished, so we’re helping the professor to clean the studio and preparing for the break.)

Student #1: “Are you almost done cleaning the etching press?”

Student #2: “Yeah, why?”

Student #1: “Well, it just occurred to me that you’re shorter than the hand wheel on that press.”

Student #2: “Yeah, and?”

Me: “I think I like where this is going.”

Professor: “I KNOW I like where this is going.”

Student #1: “Do you get motion sick easily?”

Student #2: “Not really, what are you planning?”

Professor: “I think [Student #1] is proposing that we tie you to the wheel and give you a spin.”

Student #2: “H*** yes! Let’s do it!”

(We tie [Student #2] to the wheel using cleaning rags on her ankles, while she holds on to the other side with her hands. [Student #1] and another friend then spin the wheel around while the professor and I fling wet cleaning sponges at her from across the room. We have no idea, but a tour group of prospective students are on their way up, led by the department chair.)

Student #2: “Oh God! I think I might puke. FASTER!”

Professor: “You heard her, boys! Get that press spinning!”

Department Chair: “…we have the printmaking studio! This is the largest studio space in the building and includes two etching presses, two lithography presses, and…”

(The tour group comes in to see us slapping our friend with the sponges while she hangs up-side-down laughing. The tour looks horrified, but the head of the department doesn’t miss a beat.)

Department Chair: “…and various medieval torture devices. And to continue our tour, we’ll now move on to the true horror of the fine-arts building, the sculpture studio. Wait until you see what they do in there…”

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