(I work in a high end boutique, and have been talking to woman about an £1,100 pair of high heels that she’s had her eye on for a while, and has finally saved enough money to treat herself to. I’m just ringing her up, when we hear a rising yell from outside. Everyone in the vicinity turns to look at the door. A man comes sprinting through, skidding as he scrambles through the door.)

Man: “DON’T SELL HER THOSE SHOES!”

Woman: “Oh, my God! What are you doing? How did you even know I was here?”

(The man finally comes to a stop, and doubles over panting, red faced and completely out of breath.)

Man: “[Name] called… said you were here… ran from [other side of town]… already bought shoes… for anniversary…”

Woman: “It’s sweet that he put so much effort into making sure I don’t buy them again, but I really wish he wouldn’t half kill himself in the process.”

(We manage to eventually bring him around, and she takes him home. The day after, she comes back to spend almost as much on lingerie as her anniversary gift to him!)

(I work in a skateboard shop. I’m female and have been working on skateboards from the age of 15. A teenage black male customer approaches my coworker and me. My coworker is also black.)

Customer: “Yo, can you get out here and put fresh tape on my board?”

Me: “Oh I’ll be happy to do that for you! Did you want a design or logo cut out? I just did this one; it looks pretty good.”

Customer: “I ain’t having a girl touch my board. I want somebody who knows what they’re actually doing, not a woman!”

Coworker: “Actually, she’s probably the quickest and neatest taper here, and watch your attitude.”

Customer: “Nah man, I’m not having some b**** wreck my board!”

Coworker: “Right, that’s it. Get out of my shop.”

Customer: “What?! No way. You can’t kick me out because I’m black.”

Coworker: *gestures to self* “It’s hardly because you’re black, is it? It’s because you’re insulting staff. Get out.”

Customer: “That’s discrimination! I’m going to sue you!”

(The customer leaves, ranting all the way out the door about how girls shouldn’t work in skate shops and he’s going to sue us for discriminating on race.)

Coworker: “Yeah, good luck with that, mate.”

(I’ve been scouring a very large craft store searching for a certain kind of glass jar, but I can’t find it anywhere. I approach a very bored-looking employee.)

Me: “Excuse me; do you have a moment? I’m having trouble finding mason jars. Could you point me in the right direction?”

(The employee heaves a sigh and rolls her eyes.)

Employee: “Mason jars? Where do you think we are? This isn’t a… a…”

(The employee trails off, searching for the right word.)

Employee: “…this isn’t a ‘buying things’ store!”

Me: “…a what?”

Employee: “You heard me!”

Me: “…but [Competitor] carries all kinds of mason jars. Are you sure you don’t have them at all?”

Employee: “WE’RE. NOT. A. BUYING. THINGS. STORE. Go to Walmart!”

Weekly Roundup: 5 Horrifyingly Hilarious Halloween Customer Stories! In this week’s roundup, we share five Halloween-themed customer stories!

1. Thank You For Shopping At ApocalypseMart (16,411 thumbs up)
2. Helping The Needy (5,156 thumbs up)
3. He Is Twice The Man (3,165 thumbs up)
4. More Leftovers, Less Landfill (3,145 thumbs up)
5. We Ain’t Got Jack (2,959 thumbs up)

PS #1: check out our Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

(There used to be a shoe repairman in our store, but he retired over two years ago. People still come in looking for him, but usually understand that he is 90 years old, and didn’t want to continue working.)

Customer: “Excuse me, where’s the shoe repair guy?”

Me: “Oh, he retired.”

Customer: “What? Why?”

Me: “He was elderly and wanted to spend more time with his family.”

Customer: “So, nobody took over? That’s stupid!”

Me: “Well, it was his business. He just rented the space in our store.”

Customer: “Well, this is very inconvenient for me. I need these shoes fixed. Where is there another cobbler?”

Me: “I think there’s one in the town center.”

Customer: “Oh, well that’s way too far to drive!”

Me: “It’s five minutes away.”

Customer: “I don’t care! This is ridiculous! I need to get my shoes fixed. You guys should have kept the shoe repairman on.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we couldn’t exactly hold him prisoner here.”

Customer: “Well, you could have tried!”