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Stuck In A Vicious Triangle

| Dusseldorf, Germany | Right | November 12, 2013

(I work as IT support for a law firm. Usually I am very understanding when someone asks me a question with an obvious answer, since most lawyers don’t know PCs very well.)

Lawyer: “HELP! My PC is going crazy! Triangles EVERYWHERE!”

Me: “Triangles? What kind of triangles? Do you mean error messages with a warning sign?”

Lawyer: “No, triangles! And a lot of them! I can’t finish my email. Please help me!”

Me: “One moment please, I will connect to your PC to see what’s going on.”

(I start the software and connect to his PC, and see Outlook doing ‘^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^’ without pause.)

Me: “Mr. [Name], is it possible that something is lying on the keyboard?”

Lawyer: *silence*

Me: “Maybe on the upper left corner?”

(At this moment, the ‘triangles’ stop.)

Lawyer: “I guess it wasn’t a good idea to place the book on the keyboard. Please wait a second.”

(He deletes the symbols and tries to write a normal sentence. Without the book pressing a different button, it obviously works.)

Lawyer: “I think I could have figured that out myself. Usually I’m very good with the computer. Thank you. Bye.”

(The lawyer hangs up and my coworker turns to me.)

Coworker: “Hey, Mr. [Name] again? How many times did he call us this week?”

Me: “I had him eight times on the line. I don’t know about the others.”

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He Is Inn-Experienced

| VA, USA | Right | November 12, 2013

(We have recently just hired a new person, who I am working with today. I’m making friendly conversation.)

Me: “So, how do you like working in a hotel so far?”

New Hire: “It’s great! I’ve been working for about two days already and everything seems to be going well. Learning lots of stuff.”

Me: “That’s great! We really needed someone to work the day shifts. So, what do you like about the job so far?”

New Hire: “Well—”

(Just then, a customer comes up to the front desk and we both look at him.)

Me: “Hi! Can I—”

Customer: *to new hire* “F*** YOU!”

(The customer flips both middle fingers at both of us and cackles at our dumbfounded expressions, and then leaves.)

New Hire: “Well, um… as I was saying, uh…”

Me: “Yeah, you’re going to meet lots of those crazy people here. They’ll make you want to run out of here, screaming!”

(Fortunately, the hew hire didn’t run away screaming, and he’s been a great addition for two years now!)

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Floored By The Lack Of Logic

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Right | November 12, 2013

(I work at a hotel as an event coordinator. The building was not originally a hotel, and a top level had been added on that has an open-air pool and a gym. Due to this, the lifts do not go to it, and everyone has to use stairs placed next to the lift instead. A guest approaches me as I am walking to the foyer.)

Guest: “I would like to make a complaint.”

Me: “Sure, what can I help you with?”

Guest: “I was on the top floor using the gym, and when I was done I found that there was no way to leave the floor. I looked everywhere, and could only find the emergency exit, and all floors were locked from the other side! So I had to go out the back alley and walk back around to the front entrance, and I would just like to voice how RIDICULOUS it is to have no way out of that level.”

Me: “Okay, I will pass that on to my manager, but I have to ask: how did you get on the floor in the first place if there is no way in or out?”

Guest: “Oh, um… well…”

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Philan-stroppy

| Wales, UK | Right | November 12, 2013

(My manager and I are approached by a regular customer who is notorious for being just downright nasty and mean-spirited. She doesn’t believe in donating to charity and always thinks we’re barmy for wanting to help others.)

Customer: “I can’t believe you served that man!”

Manager: “What?”

Customer: “I gave him money in the car park! He said it was for food or a bus or something, and he bought beer! You do know he’s a homeless alcoholic, don’t you?”

Me: “Well, what do you want us to do?”

Customer: “I can’t believe you served him! You shouldn’t have let him buy alcohol! I feel violated!”

(The manager realizes she may be angling for a refund of the gentleman’s beer money.)

Manager: “Unfortunately, ma’am, we are not in control of what happens away from our premises. If he asked you for money and you gave it to him, then that is only your fault. Now, if there’s nothing we can help you with, please have a pleasant Halloween.”

Customer: “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU LET HIM ABUSE MY MONEY!”

(The customer storms out. The manager turns to me.)

Manager: “I don’t believe for a minute that she gave him money; she’s just trying to cause trouble. She’s probably got a problem with us for being in fancy dress for charity, too!”

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This Is How Democracy Dies

| Farmington, UT, USA | Right | November 12, 2013

(I work in an election office. It’s the afternoon on Election Day, and we’ve been in a call center since 6 am, telling citizens where their designated polling place is and explaining how closed primaries work. The phone rings.)

Me: “Hello, county elections, how may I help you?”

Citizen: “I’ve been to three different polling places today, and they all say I’m in the wrong place!”

Me: “Can I have your name? I’ll look up your polling place for you.”

(The citizen gives their name.)

Me: “It looks like your polling place is [Elementary School].”

Citizen: “I’ve already been to three other places! How was I supposed to know that’s where my polling place was?”

Me: “Well, we sent you a card a few weeks ago with your polling place on it. It should also be on the voter card that was mailed when you registered to vote at your address.”

Citizen: “I have three kids! I don’t have time to read my mail!”

Me: “In addition, we’ve listed all the polling places in the local paper for the last two weeks, and you could look up your polling place online at [website]. We’ve also had pamphlets at the local library. Or you could have called this number before you went to three different polling places.”

Citizen: “That’s unacceptable! I want someone to come to my house on the morning of election day with a van and say, ‘Mrs. [Name], this is where you vote!'”

Me: “Uh…”

(And that’s how democracy dies.)

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