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Putting The ‘R’ Into Refund

| Largo, FL, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Family & Kids, Movies & TV, Theme Of The Month

(I am working the box office with my manager. A large group of teenage girls dressed like they are going to a club get their turn to purchase tickets.)

Manager: “Make sure you ID them, and let them know if they sneak in, they won’t get a refund.”

(I acknowledge the manager’s comment, and turn to the teenage girls.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [theater]; how may I help you?”

Girl #1: “Can we have tickets to see [R-rated movie]?”

Me: “Do you guys have ID?”

Girl #1: “No.”

Me: “Then I am afraid I can’t sell you the tickets. It’s company policy that you have proper ID to see R-rated movies.”

(The girls walk away angry. They come back a few minutes later after waiting in line again.)

Girl #1: “Can we have tickets to see [G-rated movie]?”

Me: “Sure, your total will be $32. If you try to sneak into the movie you wanted before this one, you will not get a refund. Here are your tickets, enjoy!”

Girl #2: “Why does everyone think we are trying to sneak into a d*** R-rated movie?!”

Girl #3: “I don’t know, but it’s getting really ANNOYING!”

(Not even ten minutes later, the girls come storming out of the theater and toss their tickets up on the counter.)

Girl #3: “We need refunds for this movie.”

Me: “Why do you need a refund for this movie?”

Girl #3: “Because, it already started.”

Me: “Actually, this movie doesn’t start for another ten minutes.”

Girl #3: “Well, I, uh…”

Me: “So why do you need a refund?”

Girl #3: “Because the cop wouldn’t let us in the movie!”

Me: “You mean the cop that is standing by the auditoriums that have the R-rated movies, that are on the complete opposite side of the theater that has the movie you bought tickets for?”

(All four girls give dumbfounded looks.)

Me: “I am sorry; I can’t give you a refund.”

(The girls start making a scene. My manager walks over.)

Manager: “Listen, my employee did her job. She told you she wasn’t going to give you a refund if you tried to sneak into a movie, and you did exactly what she told you not to do. Now, you have two options: you can leave the theater and take your attitudes elsewhere, or I can call the cops and have them remove you from the premises. Which will it be?”

(The girls turn and storm off.)

Supergirl

| Marshfield, WI, USA | Family & Kids, Movies & TV, Theme Of The Month

(Our store is running an exclusive movie screening promotion for ‘Man Of Steel’ over the summer. We receive two cardboard stand-ups of Superman. One of them is in direct line of our automatic doors on a windy day. The stand-up falls down. I am approaching the stand-up to put it up again when a little girl, about six or seven, runs up.)

Little Girl: “Oh, no! Superman’s DEAD!”

Me: “No, sweetie, he’s not dead. He’s just resting a bit. But I think it’s time for him to get back to work. Do you want to help me?”

(The little girl nods. I bend down to lift Superman back up and she puts her hands under to help also. As she does, I hear her mutter to herself, as kids do when they are concentrating on something.)

Little Girl: “Come on, Superman. Time to get back to work!”

A Thin Gap Between Thick Customers

| New Zealand | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I notice a customer getting frustrated with his computer while a regular in the booth next to his is struggling valiantly to keep a straight face. Eventually the frustrated customer comes up to the desk.)

Customer: “Your computer ate my skydiving DVD!”

Me: “Are you saying it won’t eject?”

Customer: “No, when I push the button, a tray comes out but it’s empty.”

Me: “The disc drives are all closed units; there’s nowhere it could have gone. I’ll come over and have a look.”

(The disc tray is indeed empty. My regular is staring wide-eyed at his computer monitor while snorting behind his hand. I notice something shining in the gap between the top of the disc tray and the computer case.)

Me: “Sir, did you open the tray before putting your DVD into the computer?”

Customer: “Of course I did! I know how to use a d*** computer!”

(At this my regular is squeezing his eyes shut and going red in the face. I take off the side of the case.)

Me: “Sir, is that your DVD sitting on top of the disc drive?”

Customer: “Yes! Your computers are so cheap and crappy! If it’s damaged my disc, you have to pay for a new one!”

Me: “You must have pushed it into the gap yourself. I’m not buying you a replacement if it’s scratched.”

Customer: “No. I. Didn’t. I told you I’m not a f****** moron. I know how to use a computer!”

(I show the customer that the disc drive is a completely closed unit and not much bigger than a regular CD case.)

Me: “So my computer’s disc drive somehow teleported your DVD outside of itself?”

(At this point my regular completely loses control and laughs so hard I start to wonder if I’m going to need to call an ambulance. The customer snatches at his DVD, missing it and knocking it to the floor while he almost loses his balance and ends up standing on it before storming out. My regular finally manages to calm down enough to breathe properly.)

Regular: “I saw him push it in there. I was waiting for that for 45 d*** minutes.”