(I’m working at a restaurant that sells fried chicken. A customer approaches me after she has eaten her entire meal. The tray she’s carrying only has picked-clean chicken bones on it.)

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I ordered the white meat chicken meal, but got dark meat pieces instead. You need to give me a new meal.”

Me: “I’m sorry for the confusion, but the white meat chicken meal comes with a breast and wing, which is what you received.”

Customer: “No, you gave me a leg and a thigh. I paid extra for the white meat meal and I demand that you give me a replacement!”

Me: “Again, I’m sorry for the confusion, but as you can see by the chicken bones on your tray, this piece was a breast piece. See the rib bones here, and this piece was a wing.”

Customer: “Get me your manager NOW!”

(My manager has heard the interchange and cordially comes over.)

Manager: “I’m terribly sorry for the mistake, ma’am; here’s a replacement meal for you.”

(My manager hands her another white meat meal.)

Customer: “It’s about time!”

(After the customer leaves, having left the tray with the chicken bones on it, I turn to my manager.)

Me: “Why did she get a free replacement meal when it’s obvious that she got and completely ate what she ordered?”

Manager: *smiling sadly* “The customer always thinks they’re right, even when they’re wrong. And especially when all they want is to throw a fit for free food. I’ve learned it’s easier to just give them what they want than to try to convince them to be decent people.”

Me: “The customer is always right?”

Manager: “Even when they’re wrong!”

(The customer has issues with accessing the internet and getting the standard ‘Internet Explorer cannot display this webpage’ error message. After doing various checks it turns out to just be a simple reset that is needed. We normally check it by asking the customer to try going to various web pages.)

Me: “So we’ve got Google up on the screen. That’s great. Okay, I want you to try going to BBC’s webpage now.”

Customer: “What website?”

Me: “Er, the address is www.bbc.co.uk.”

Customer: “How do you spell that?”

Me: “Which part? ‘co?'”

Customer: “BBC.”

(A customer approaches the cash desk with a console in a box.)

Customer: “Hi, I’m looking to trade this in?”

Me: “Sure, let me just make sure it works!”

(I open the box, only to find the entire console, wires, and control pads are covered in heavy condensation. It’s so heavy, that there are drops of water pouring down the system.)

Me: “Umm …I don’t think I can plug this in to check it.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Well, it’s soaking wet. Generally speaking, it’s not a good idea to combine water and electricity.”

Customer: “Ah, it’s just a tiny bit of condensation. I had it in the car overnight; that’s why.”

Me: “I still don’t think it’s safe, sir.”

Customer: “Go ask your manager; he’ll tell you it’s fine!”

(I decide to humor him, and take the console out back to the manager.)

Me: “So I’ve got this customer for trade in, and he wants me to plug this thing in and check it.”

Manager: *not looking up* “So what’s the problem?”

Me: “I think you should have a look and see what the problem is!”

Manager: *looks at the console* “Is he for real?!”

(The manager picks up the console, and it almost slips out of his hands from the liquid on the surface. He heads out to the customer and deals with him.)

Manager: “We can’t accept this for trade in. Sorry about that.”

Customer: “Ah, why not!? It’s only a tiny bit of condensation; I don’t know what the problem is!”

Manager: “Well, if you’re happy to plug in electronics that are dripping with water, be my guest, but you’ll be a candidate for the Darwin Awards if you do. I’m not happy to risk the personal safety of my employees just for a trade in.”

(The customer looks at the console again.)

Customer: “And what if I come back in 10 minutes, and it’s dry?”

Manager: “I think that’d be something of a miracle, don’t you?”

(I’m working on the checkouts when a customer around her 30s approaches with a large trolley.)

Me: “Hi, how are you?”

Customer: “Fine.”

(She starts loading her groceries onto the register and I start scanning. She then reaches into her bag to take something out. Not paying much attention, I continue scanning. The register belt moves closer to me and soon I see that she has placed a used sanitary pad on the register.)

Me: “Uh… ma’am? Is that from you?”

Customer: “Yes, why?”

Me: “Would you mind removing it from my register?”

Customer: “Why? Are you too lazy to throw it out yourself?”

Me: “Ma’am, that is a serious health hazard. Besides that, it isn’t in my job description to clean up after customers. I’m not touching that; please get it off my register.”

Customer: “I can’t believe how lazy you are!”

(The customer grabs the pad, storms over to the bin and throws it away before coming back to pay for her groceries. She leaves without a word. I close down my register, and wash my hands a dozen times.)

(I work in a party and joke item store. Our policy for backpacks is you have to leave them at the front door, no matter what. I stop three kids as they enter.)

Me: “Excuse me, you have to leave your backpack at the front by the door.”

(Two of the kids put their bags up front. The third pretends he didn’t hear me.)

Me: “You have to put your backpack up front.”

Kid: “What? Why? Someone’s going to steal it if I leave it up front.”

Me: “I doubt anyone will want your backpack, but if it bothers you that much, write your name on a slip of paper and I’ll attach it to the bag.”

Kid: “F*** no. I’m not going to steal anything. You a**holes always think I’m going to steal something.”

Me: “The policy is that you put your bag up front. No one is immune to that policy. I don’t care if you’re an elderly man with a bag of candy; you still put it up front.”

Kid: “Man…”

(The kid gets annoyed and drops his bag at the door, and then stomps off after his friends. Thirty minutes later, he comes back.)

Kid: “See? I didn’t steal s***!”

(As soon as the kid picks his bag up, a plastic knife drops from his pants pocket, along with a pirate’s gold tooth, and a rubber mask slides halfway from under his shirt.)