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Dinner For Two

| Romantic | November 13, 2013

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The Grade Is Mightier Than The Pen

| Learning | November 13, 2013

Dying To Get Out Of Detention

| Adelaide, SA, Australia | Learning | November 13, 2013

(I’m an English teacher at a middle school. I catch a student coming in late.)

Me: “Kiddo, you’re late; you got detention after school.”

(I see the student force fake tears into his eyes.)

Student: “But my brother died last night!”

Me: “I’m so sorry for your loss buddy, but I’ll tell you a story. When I was nine, my disabled, mute, happy, loving older brother died. I still went to school. I also lost my sweet grandpa, who was like a perfect dad, and he died when I was eleven. I still went to school the next day despite the fact I cried for about half an hour after receiving the news. My emotions aren’t as strong as some; I cried a lot after hurting my knee, and it left a small scar. You didn’t even lose one tear when you broke your arm a year ago, so I doubt you’re too emotionally frail right now. You’re also 13, so, unless you are able to get a death certificate confirming the death, detention.”

(The student’s friends are holding back their laughter.)

Student: “Aw man, I thought it would work!”

Me: “Yeah, I could have called that lie when I was a sixth grader; all that reading I did wasn’t for nothing!”

Girl Power To The Tenth

| ON, Canada | Learning | November 13, 2013

(I have just started high school. I have nine older brothers, biological, all a year apart. I am the only girl. I am sitting in French class.)

Teacher: “Attendance!”

(The teacher starts taking the attendance. The teacher finally gets to my name, which is unisex.)

Teacher: “Is there really another [Last Name]?”

Me: “Uh… that’s me.”

Teacher: “A female [Last Name]?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Teacher: “Wait, let me get this straight: there are nine boys, and then you?”

Me: “Yup.”

Teacher: “A female one of them. This is going to be interesting…”

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How To Get Excused From This Period

| Ogden, UT, USA | Learning | November 13, 2013

(I am in sixth grade. Our substitute teacher for social studies is a young man in his twenties. Being our normal sixth grader selves, we are yelling and talking instead of doing our assignment. My friend, being frustrated, shakes her desk, and a clean, unopened, tampon rolls out. My friend screams, then runs to the back of classroom.)

Substitute: “What’s wrong?”

(My friend points a shaky finger at her desk.)

Friend: “L-look!”

(The substitute walks to the desk, looks into it, sees the tampon, then suddenly stands back up straight hurriedly, and walks back to the front of the room.)

Substitute: “Go throw it away!”

Friend: “No! I’m not touching it!”

(They go back and forth for a few minutes. Eventually my friend goes to the bathroom to get toilet paper so she doesn’t have touch it. She picks it up and walks back to the bathroom to throw the tampon away. Our science teacher happens to walk by and pick up the tampon from my friend’s hand.)

Science Teacher: *shaking the tampon at my friend* “YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE TO USE THESE ONE DAY! YOU NEED TO GET OVER YOUR FEAR OF THEM!”

(My friend got over her ‘fear’ of tampons, for obvious reasons. To this day, her face turns pink if you bring this story up.)

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