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The Pen And Paperwork Is Mightier Than The Truth

| Kent, England, UK | Working | November 13, 2013

(At my store, we have to do two waste checks on the food every day. Every item with today’s date is booked and reduced in price, and then later on a second person checks it in case anything was missed. At the end of the day, any remaining waste is taken off the shelves once the store shuts at 6 pm. I’m called into the manager’s office.)

Manager: “You left waste on the shelf.”

Me: “Oh, when?”

Manager: “Last Tuesday. There were some reduced cakes left on the shelf on Wednesday morning. You have to take off the reductions at the end of the day!”

Me: “…last Tuesday? But I finished work at 4 pm. I wasn’t even in town when the store shut.”

Manager: “But you signed for first check!”

Me: “I did reduce them, yes, but I left two hours before the store shut.”

Manager: “Oh… right, but I’ve already written the paperwork up, so I’ll regard this as an informal warning. You should tell you’re your colleague who did the second check to take the waste away. Now get back to work!”

He’s Not The Sharpest Tool

| CA, USA | Working | November 13, 2013

(We work at an ice cream parlor, and since it’s winter, we’re having a pretty slow night. I’m cleaning while my coworker is playing with the banana knife. He’s a teenage boy and I’m a late 20s girl.)

Coworker #1: “Hey [My Name], look what I can do!”

(He picks up the knife and slams it point first onto the cutting board, slicing open his hand.)

Me: “Oh f***! We gotta get that taken care of!”

(I rush him to the back where the first aid kit is, and we try to doctor it, but it’s pretty obvious that won’t be enough.)

Coworker #1: “I’m going to call my dad.”

Me: “Okay, keep your hand above your heart and I’ll go keep an eye on the front.”

(I go out to the front, where Coworker #2 has appeared.)

Coworker #2: “What happened?!”

(I explain.)

Coworker #2: “Why would he do that?”

Me: “Because [Coworker #1] is an idiot!”

(Coworker #1 comes back out to the front.)

Coworker #1: “My dad is going to come take me to urgent care.”

Me: “Okay, you better clock out since you can’t work like this. When I see [Manager] tomorrow, we’ll fill out an injury report. Keep pressure on the wound and put your hand above your heart.”

(The entire 15 minutes or so we’re waiting for his ride, I have to repeatedly remind him to keep his hand above his heart while he just keeps grinning and laughing at me. He ended up getting stitches and we were a worker short for about a month, and all because he was trying to show off to a married woman.)

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Crazy Wide Time Span

| Working | November 13, 2013

funny-DirecTV-guy-note1

Driven By Stupidity

| Philadelphia, PA, USA | Related | November 13, 2013

(My cousin and I are in the backseat. We’re on our way to Halloween party, talking about the Amish.)

Me: “Did you know that the Amish can’t play music?”

Cousin: “Even in their cars?”

Me: *facepalm*

The Situation Has Gone Right Down The Toilet

| NJ, USA | Related | November 13, 2013

(My younger sister is three years old. We’re all sitting down to dinner, when she excuses herself to go to the bathroom. She comes back into the kitchen with no pants or underpants on.)

Mom: “[Sister’s Name], where are your pants?”

Sister: “They’re in the bathroom… I made a mess.”

(Mom goes off to check, and comes back.)

Mom: “[Sister’s Name], I don’t see your pants in the bathroom.”

Sister: “They’re in there.”

Mom: “Where?”

Sister: *proudly* “I flushed them down the toilet!”

(It cost $800 in plumbing bills to fix the damage!)

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