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November Themed Story Giveaway Reminder: Bizarre Behavior

Not Always Related | Related | November 14, 2013
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  1. Submit a funny or interesting story about bizarre family behavior.
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  3. All posted stories will be entered in a drawing to win a free t-shirt gift certificate, to use in the official Not Always Related shop!

PS: winners will be announced the first Wednesday of every month. Next free t-shirt gift certificate: Wednesday, December 4!

Nap Time Zone

| Jerusalem, Israel | Related | November 14, 2013

(I am on the phone with my mother, who does not live in the same time zone.)

Mom: “Why are you talking so low?”

Me: “I’m trying to keep quiet because the kids are asleep. They’re taking their afternoon nap.”

Mom: “Oh, I was hoping to talk to them also. Will they be awake in the next hour?”

Me: “Probably not.”

Mom: “Why did you put them to sleep so late?”

Me: “I didn’t; I put them to sleep at 1:30. That’s why I said they are asleep, not that I’m putting them to sleep.”

Mom: “What time is it over there?”

Me: “3:00.”

Mom: “What time do you usually put them to sleep?”

Me: “1:30.”

Mom: “It’s 1:30 over there?”

Me: “No, it’s 3:00.”

Mom: “You put them to sleep at 3:00?”

Me: “No, I put them to sleep at 1:30.”

Mom: “Then why did you put them to sleep at 3:00 if they usually go to sleep at 1:30?”

Me: “For the love of God, Mom!”

Breathe A Sigh Of Relief

| Leeds, England, UK | Related | November 14, 2013

(I am sat on the sofa with my sister, watching a movie. Suddenly she starts gasping.)

Me: “Were you holding your breath?”

Sister: “Yep.”

Me: “Why?”

Sister: “I don’t like breathing.”

Me: “Uh…”

Sister: “It makes me bored.”

(To this day, whenever she complains about being bored, I say ‘Hey, it’s better than breathing.’)

Forget Career Counseling, Needs A Career Psychologist

| OK, USA | Related | November 14, 2013

(I am talking to my daughters, aged eight and nine, about what activities they want to do when they grow up.)

Nine-Year-Old Daughter: “No, [Eight-Year-Old] doesn’t want to be a female wrestler.”

Me: “So what does she want to be?”

Nine-Year-Old Daughter: “She wants to sell llama suits to poor people.”

Me: “What does that even mean?!”

Nine-Year-Old Daughter: “I. Don’t. Know…”

A Retort On The School Report

| Malaysia | Related | November 14, 2013

(When I was 10-12 years old in primary school, I was severely bullied and didn’t have any friends. Because of this, I kept my head down and never talked or interacted with others unless absolutely necessary. I am currently applying for college, and one of the requirements is a photocopy of my certificate of completion for primary school. My mom and I are reviewing it, and the note written by the class teacher.)

Mom: *reading aloud* “‘[My Name] gets along well with her peers, and is always ready to extend a helping hand to her friends.'”

(Mom puts the paper down and looks at me.)

Mom: “It’s all lies! Your teacher doesn’t know what she’s talking about!”

Me: “She doesn’t know s***!”

Mom: “Actually, she does.”

(She hints at the word ‘bull-s***,’ and we both burst out laughing.)

Mom: “On second thought, don’t use that kind of language. It’s very rude.”

(I stare at her.)

Mom: “Hey, at least I’m trying to set a good example! But, seriously, your teacher is full of bull-s***.”

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