(It is the morning of my daughter’s second birthday party. She has found the cupcakes I made the night before, and is very excited. She and her older brother have come into our bedroom.)
Husband: “You’re two today, so you get two cupcakes!”
Daughter: “Yay!”
Son: “And I’m four, so I get four cupcakes!”
Husband: “Yeah! And Daddy gets—”
Me: “I didn’t make that many cupcakes, dear.”
(I’m visiting my boyfriend’s family, at the baby-shower for his sister. I hear an exchange between my boyfriend’s aunt and mother.)
Aunt: “It’s so unfair…”
Mother: “What’s unfair?”
Aunt: “[Mother-To-Be] doesn’t get to play!”
Mother: “She doesn’t have to play…”
Aunt: “Well, how’s she going to win any prizes if she doesn’t play!?”
Mother: “[Mother-To-Be] isn’t winning any prizes.”
Aunt: “Oh that’s horrible! [Mother-To-Be], after this I’m going to take you shopping! That’s just wrong; you not winning any prizes.”
(My boyfriend’s aunt continues to complain about how the mother-to-be isn’t going to win any prizes, despite being assured that it’s okay by several people, including the mother-to-be. It only stops when my boyfriend’s mother yells loud enough to stop every other conversation in the room.)
Mother: “[Aunt], her prize is the f****** baby!”
(I have a cuddly toy with me that I have had for years, and it’s sort of a comfort blanket. He comes everywhere with me and looks very scruffy as he is well loved. Since on this occasion I am travelling, I am holding him instead of having him in my suitcase. I have some time before my connection, so I wander through some local shops. Everything is fine until I try to leave a toy store I’ve been looking in. I am very shy and get easily frightened by people who raise their voice at me. I am also a teenager and seemingly too old for toys. There are two employees in the store, but only one is present at the moment.)
Employee #1: “Hey, you!”
Me: “Hmm?”
Employee #1: “Are you going to pay for that?”
Me: “Pay for what, sorry?”
Employee #1: “That toy! That toy you’re holding.”
Me: “Um, I didn’t pick him up in here; I walked in with him. In fact, I’ve had him for years. And besides, he’s all scruffy; I don’t think you’re allowed to sell things as scruffy as him.”
Employee #1: “Him? Who’s him? I was talking about that toy!”
Me: “Er, so am I. His name’s [Toy’s Name] and I’ve had him for years; you’ve made a mistake.”
Employee #1: “Look, I don’t have time for this; just put it back and I won’t call the police.”
Me: “But he’s mine!”
Employee #1: “You’re too old for toys; give it back.”
Me: “No I won’t; he’s mine.”
(The employee marches over to me, terrifying me and making me clutch my toy even tighter.)
Employee #1: “Just give it back already!”
Me: *in tears* “No! He’s mine! I’ve had him for years; you can’t take him off me!”
Employee #1: “IT’S NOT YOURS UNTIL YOU PAY FOR IT!”
(The employee then makes a grab for my toy and I pull away. I am now very scared and in floods of tears. Another employee comes to see what is going on.)
Me: “No! No! He’s mine! You can’t take him!”
Employee #2: “[Employee #1]! What’s going on?”
Employee #1: “I caught this girl stealing this toy! Now she won’t give it back and keeps saying that it’s hers now for some reason.”
Me: “But he IS mine!”
Employee #1: “ENOUGH WITH THE ‘HE’ CRAP! IT’S A TOY AND IT IS NOT YOURS!”
(I am sitting on the floor, crying, still clutching my toy.)
Employee #1: “CROCODILE TEARS WON’T HELP! JUST HAND THE TOY OVER!”
Employee #2: “[Employee #1]! That’s enough! If you’re so sure she stole this toy, then go and find where she got it from; I’m quite sure I’ve never seen one like that in the store!”
(Employee #1 sulks off. Employee #2 sits on the floor beside me.)
Employee #2: “So, want to tell me your side of the story, love?”
Me: “I was just looking round and when I went to leave, he said I had to pay for [Toy’s Name], but I didn’t get him here. I’ve had him for years; I never go anywhere without him! I can’t sleep without him! You can’t take him off me!”
Employee #2: “I see. Can I have a look at [Toy’s Name], please?”
(I nod and show him my toy, still keeping a firm grip in case he tries to take him off me too.)
Employee #2: “My, he’s a precious little thing, isn’t he? I think he might need a bath though, and not with those tears, either! Maybe a few repair stitches too! Come on, smile; I believe you. I know we don’t sell anything like him, and we certainly wouldn’t be allowed to sell something that well loved! Now go on; get out of the shop before [Employee #1] gets back!”
Me: *wipes away tears* “Really?”
Employee #2: “Yes, it’s obvious how much you love him anyway. Go on; run before [Employee #1] catches us!”
(I smile and run out of the store clutching my toy. I look back to see Employee #1 marching towards Employee #2, but I don’t hear any more. I just ran to the station and remained there until my connection arrived! But thank you, Employee #2 for being so understanding!)
(I’m head cashier in a craft store, and do all the returns. I have a couple come in with several bags and are rummaging through receipts. I start working through their transactions and find items that aren’t from my company and items without receipts.)
Me: “I am sorry, ma’am, but I cannot process a return for these items.”
Wife: “You should give me the money for these items anyway, because I have had a hard life! I have to take care of my mother and my four siblings!”
Me: “I can understand that, but—”
Wife: “What do you know about taking care of the elderly?”
Me: “Since I was 12 I cared for my father with cancer, who died when I was 18. Then my uncle was diagnosed also with cancer. He passed away two days ago. Between that I have another uncle diagnosed and living with me. Previously, my grandmother who had Alzheimer’s also lived with me and passed last summer. I’m also taking care of my mother who has severe arthritis. I have 5 siblings and 20 cousins, but everyone is dropped on me with no care or help.”
Wife: “I’m so sorry; I guess you do know what it’s like. Does it get better?”
Me: “No, but bubble wrap helps.”
(One of our eye tests works by patients clicking a remote when they see some shimmery lines, and is set up where the face-plate slides into place to test the individual eyes. The patient has already informed me that he has a glass eye in the right socket. This machine can sometimes be very temperamental when a test is in progress, so I want to explain the test before I mess around too much with it and skip his glass eye. It’s still currently set on the right eye as the default.)
Me: “On this first test, when you look inside there, you’re going to see a little—”
Patient: “I can’t see out of that eye.”
Me: Yes, sir, I know that. I can skip this eye when I get the test started, but I wanted to explain the directions first. Now, you’re going to see a little black spot right in the center and—”
Patient: “But I can’t see out of that eye.”
Me: “Yes, I know that, sir. I can skip that eye in just a moment. You’re going to see the black dot in the center and there are some very faint, sort of wiggly lines—”
Patient: “But I can’t see out of this eye.”
(The patient continues to put his face into the machine which is still on the right eye.)
Me: “I know that, sir. You’re going to see a black dot in the center and some faint, wiggly lines and that’s just a preview of what the test looks like. When—”
Patient: “I can’t see out of this eye!”
Me: “I can skip that one. When the test starts, and I’ll let you know when that is, I just need you to look—”
Patient: “I can’t see out of this eye!”
(I am now ignoring him to get through my directions.)
Me: “When the test starts, you need to look at the black spot in the center and click on the clicker whenever you see those wiggly lines.”
Patient: “I can’t see out of this eye, though!”
Me: “I need you to sit back for me so I can get the machine ready to just test your left eye.”
(The patient sits back and I slide the face-plate over for the left eye. I put in the settings to get the machine to skip the right eye, and am just about to start on the left.)
Patient: “So, what am I supposed to do in this thing?”
