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Undergarment Overreaction, Part 2

| FL, USA | Romantic | November 15, 2013

(My boyfriend of over a year has just graduated college. He has a thing for brand new socks, but buys them rarely for himself because he’s fairly thrifty. I get him a congratulations card and a bag of new socks for his last day of school. We’ve had several joking conversations that if we ever wanted to break up, we could just do it with a sock as a throwback to ‘Harry Potter.’)

Me: “Hey, you! I got you this since you finished school.”

Boyfriend: *reads card* “Aw, that’s nice!” *sees the bag of socks* “Wait… is this… really?”

Me: “What? NO! I’m not breaking up with you; I thought you just liked socks!”

Boyfriend: “Master has presented me with a sock! Boyfriend is FREE!”

Me: “Not so! Even Dumbledore himself said there’s nothing like a fresh, new pair of socks!”

Boyfriend: “FREEEEE!”


They Finally Got The Message

| Learning | November 15, 2013

And Now For Something Completely Different

| Bloomfield, MI, USA | Learning | November 15, 2013

(The school year has just started, and we’re in biology. We’re working out lab partners.)

Student #1: “Sorry, I can’t be in the two o’clock lab; I have Spanish then.”

Teacher: “Spanish? Is [Spanish Teacher] teaching you?”

Student #1: “Yeah, why?”

Teacher: “Listen to me carefully: Do. Not. Upset. That. Man.”

Student #2: “Is he that mean?”

Teacher: “No, I just don’t want him disrupting class with Monty Python nonsense.”

(He refuses to explain further. Midterms come and go, and we’re having a nature walk to look at leaves for biology.)

Student #1: “…and I don’t think I did well on the Spanish midterm.”

Student #2: “Don’t tell [Biology teacher]; remember how he kept going on about ‘do not upset that man?'”

Student #1: “Yeah… nothing bad happened, though.”

(A few minutes pass, and then we hear something crashing through the woods. It is the Spanish teacher.)


Student #1: “What the…”

Biology Teacher: “God d*** it [Spanish Teacher]! I am trying to teach!”

Spanish Teacher: *appearing from behind a tree* “Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!”

(He runs off, laughing loudly to himself. The biology teacher tells us this happens at least once every three or four years.)

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El Burro Sabe Mas Que Tu, Part 2

| Winston-Salem, NC, USA | Learning | November 15, 2013

(I am in fifth grade. Our Spanish teacher is gone for a few weeks to get married. Our substitute doesn’t know any Spanish, and is at a loss for how to deal with us.)

Substitute: “Ho-lah class-ay, I’m substituting for sen-nor-ita Qway-suh-dilly.”

Class: “Quesada.”

Substitute: “What?”

Class: “That’s her name. Where is she?”

Substitute: “Man, they don’t tell me who I’m subbing for. Are there any worksheets or something you kids can be doing?”

Class: “No.”

(In the end, the substitute found a VHS of ‘The Lion King’ in Spanish with Spanish subtitles for us to watch, the whole time mumbling the English lyrics to himself at the back of the room.)


All Wound Up About The Clock

| BC, Canada | Learning | November 15, 2013

(When my parents taught me to read a clock growing up, I had issues with 12-hour time. Since my dad worked in an industrial plant which operated on 24-hour time, they tried that and I found that naturally easier. It is my first day of Kindergarten; the teacher is setting expectations with all us kids.)

Teacher: “So you will be coming here Monday to Friday at 12 noon, and then your parents will come pick you up at 3 o’clock.”

(I start bawling.)

Teacher: “What’s wrong?”

Me: “I can’t stay until 3 o’clock!”

Teacher: “Why not?”

Me: “Bed-time is 20 o’clock!”

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