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Fun In A Collar-Less World

| GA, USA | Romantic | November 15, 2013

(My husband and I haven’t yet gotten around to dressing after a shower. Earlier, we gave the dog a bath, so she is sans collar. Just as I lie down for a promised back rub, my husband suddenly leaps to his feet.)

Husband: “Kitty!”

(He removes the cat’s collar.)

Husband: “Now everybody’s naked!”

Undergarment Overreaction, Part 2

| FL, USA | Romantic | November 15, 2013

(My boyfriend of over a year has just graduated college. He has a thing for brand new socks, but buys them rarely for himself because he’s fairly thrifty. I get him a congratulations card and a bag of new socks for his last day of school. We’ve had several joking conversations that if we ever wanted to break up, we could just do it with a sock as a throwback to ‘Harry Potter.’)

Me: “Hey, you! I got you this since you finished school.”

Boyfriend: *reads card* “Aw, that’s nice!” *sees the bag of socks* “Wait… is this… really?”

Me: “What? NO! I’m not breaking up with you; I thought you just liked socks!”

Boyfriend: “Master has presented me with a sock! Boyfriend is FREE!”

Me: “Not so! Even Dumbledore himself said there’s nothing like a fresh, new pair of socks!”

Boyfriend: “FREEEEE!”

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Undergarment Overreaction

They Finally Got The Message

| Learning | November 15, 2013

And Now For Something Completely Different

| Bloomfield, MI, USA | Learning | November 15, 2013

(The school year has just started, and we’re in biology. We’re working out lab partners.)

Student #1: “Sorry, I can’t be in the two o’clock lab; I have Spanish then.”

Teacher: “Spanish? Is [Spanish Teacher] teaching you?”

Student #1: “Yeah, why?”

Teacher: “Listen to me carefully: Do. Not. Upset. That. Man.”

Student #2: “Is he that mean?”

Teacher: “No, I just don’t want him disrupting class with Monty Python nonsense.”

(He refuses to explain further. Midterms come and go, and we’re having a nature walk to look at leaves for biology.)

Student #1: “…and I don’t think I did well on the Spanish midterm.”

Student #2: “Don’t tell [Biology teacher]; remember how he kept going on about ‘do not upset that man?'”

Student #1: “Yeah… nothing bad happened, though.”

(A few minutes pass, and then we hear something crashing through the woods. It is the Spanish teacher.)

Spanish Teacher: “HEAR YE, HEAR YE, [STUDENT #1] DID EXCEPTIONALLY POOR ON HIS MIDTERM, AND DESERVES SHAAAAAME!”

Student #1: “What the…”

Biology Teacher: “God d*** it [Spanish Teacher]! I am trying to teach!”

Spanish Teacher: *appearing from behind a tree* “Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!”

(He runs off, laughing loudly to himself. The biology teacher tells us this happens at least once every three or four years.)

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El Burro Sabe Mas Que Tu, Part 2

| Winston-Salem, NC, USA | Learning | November 15, 2013

(I am in fifth grade. Our Spanish teacher is gone for a few weeks to get married. Our substitute doesn’t know any Spanish, and is at a loss for how to deal with us.)

Substitute: “Ho-lah class-ay, I’m substituting for sen-nor-ita Qway-suh-dilly.”

Class: “Quesada.”

Substitute: “What?”

Class: “That’s her name. Where is she?”

Substitute: “Man, they don’t tell me who I’m subbing for. Are there any worksheets or something you kids can be doing?”

Class: “No.”

(In the end, the substitute found a VHS of ‘The Lion King’ in Spanish with Spanish subtitles for us to watch, the whole time mumbling the English lyrics to himself at the back of the room.)

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El Burro Sabe Mas Que Tu

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