Archive for 2013

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It’s Beginning To Smell A Lot Like Christmas

| USA | Right | December 31, 2013

(It’s three days before Christmas. A teenage girl is dragging her boyfriend around the store making him smell everything. She’s obviously stressed out by last minute holiday shopping.)

Girl: “Um… I need… um… Here! Smell this. Is is good for [Name]?”

Boyfriend: “Babe, I’m not picking out what your friends smell like. They’re all minors. That’s creepy.”

Girl: “Please? Most of them are 18 now.”

Boyfriend: *sighs and sniffs* “Smells great.”

Girl: “Okay. And now, for my sister. This one?”

Boyfriend: “Come on, hun. Just pick out whatever and let’s get you something to eat.”

Girl: “I have to smell these people!”

Boyfriend: “You do this every year, babe. Why didn’t you start shopping two weeks ago?”

Girl: “Because I’m a procrastinator! It took me two years to realize you liked me!”

(The boyfriend looks a little intimidated so I step in and help the girl pick out gifts for the other six people on her list. They leave, the girl still stressing over other presents.)

Me: “Thank you for coming!”

Girl: “You too! Wait… Shoot. I mean happy holidays?”

Boyfriend: “Sorry. We’re going to go get her some sugar now.”

(The boyfriend comes back the next day to pick out a gift for his girlfriend and specifically requests me. I get a $20 tip and the humorous details of the rest of his shopping experience from the previous day!)

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Not Shopping Black Friday

| Right | December 31, 2013


Customer Engagement At An All Time High

| Right | December 31, 2013

Man banned from all Walmarts for life

| Right | December 31, 2013

Good Morning America’ reports an Arizona man is now banned for life from Walmarts worldwide. Joe Cantrell said he was trying to get a price matched at the store, and an associate told him it wasn’t allowed. He complained to management and left. When he returned a few days later, Cantrell was handcuffed and charged with threatening, intimidation and disorderly conduct. KTAR reports that a Walmart spokesman said the associate felt threatened.


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Sins Of The Father

| USA | Working | December 31, 2013

(I’m a stagehand with a small theatre production. My boss is quite horrible. His son is also one of my coworkers. He seems to think he can do whatever he wants, whenever he wants, including groping female coworkers who have asked him repeatedly not to touch them. One of them works in the security department. She is really sick of my boss trying to claim that his son isn’t doing anything wrong. It is afternoon while the stage crew is setting up. We hear the boss yell for the security employee.)

Security Employee: “What?”

Boss: “First of all, you will show me respect as your superior.”

(The security employee crosses her arms over her chest and gives him a look. The two of them are actually at about the same level in the company, so he ISN’T her superior.)

Boss: *shakily* “Second, where is my son?”

Security Employee: *matter-of-factly* “Duct taped to a table in the stagehand’s break room.”

Boss: “WHAT?! HOW DARE YOU! I’ll have you fired for this!”

Security Employee: “Two things. One, I’ve filed repeated complaints against your son for harassment. Two, there are security cameras in the break room which will show he approached me and grabbed my behind. I turned around and told him not to touch me. Your son proceeded to try to pin me to the fridge and put his hands on me very inappropriately. I shoved him and he fell down. I figured that it would be a far more memorable lesson in the field of ‘you are never going to do this again’ if he woke up taped to the table.”

Boss: “I shall take this to the owner! I’ll do it!”

(Just then the owner came in, having overheard the entire exchange. He fired my boss and his son, and ended up giving the security employee all the information she needed to file a harassment suit against both of them: the son for doing it, and the father for trying to sweep it under the rug. And, yes, she REALLY DID duct tape him to the table! It took 15 minutes to cut him loose!)

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