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He Doesn’t Know What To Down (Under)

| Fitchburg, MA, USA | Working | November 20, 2013

(I’m on the phone signing up for unemployment.)

Worker: “What is your race?”

Me: “White, Caucasian.”

Worker: “Are you a US citizen?”

Me: “No.”

Worker: “Wait, what? Yes you are!”

Me: “Um, no. No I’m not a citizen.”

Worker: “But you said ‘white’ before.”

Me: “Yeah, I’m definitely white. I’m Australian with British parents.”

Worker: “You sure?”

Me: “Pretty sure yeah. You should see me dance!”

Worker: *laughing* “Well, I gotta put something for race, because the way they have it, ‘white’ is for US citizen.”

Me: “That’s… weird.”

(This is probably my 5th time signing up for unemployment, and I’ve never heard of this. I have no idea what she put for my race. But I’m kind of dying to know now!)

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A True Toy Story

| Working | November 20, 2013

Potty Training

| Related | November 20, 2013

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One Day It Will Make Scents

| TN, USA | Related | November 20, 2013

(I am driving my eight-year-old daughter to school early in the morning, when a news story comes on the radio station.)

Radio: “The bodyguard of [Famous Singer] is suing because she farted in his presence.”

Daughter: “Oh my God! Why would she do that to that man’s presents?”

Name Blame Game, Part 4

| ND, USA | Related | November 20, 2013

(I am currently pregnant with my second child. We have just found out it is a boy, and are discussing what his name will be with my six-year-old son.)

Me: “So, kiddo, we’ve picked a name for your little brother! We’re going to name him Riley!”

Son: “But Riley is a girl’s name! There is a girl in my class named Riley!”

Me: “Well, Riley can be a girl’s name, but it can also be a boy’s name.”

Son: “Well YOU can call him Riley, but I’m going to call him Trevor.”

(At this point my husband decides to throw his two cents in.)

Husband: “You can call him Trevor, but I’m going to start calling you Calvin!”

Son: “That’s fine, as long as you don’t call me a girl’s name!”

 

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