Archive for 2013

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Free Lager For Free Labor

| UK | Right | November 20, 2013

(I’ve just fixed a customer’s laptop which had an issue outputting to a monitor. I decide not to charge him, as the problem is minor and the fix didn’t take very long.)

Customer: “Thanks a lot for that. I appreciate it. Wait here a sec.”

(The customer leaves the store and I continue serving customers. Half an hour later, he returns.)

Customer: “Here you go, mate. Hope you drink lager!”

(He puts a case of beer down on my counter and begins walking out.)

Me: “Whaa… are you serious? What’s this for?”

Customer: “For fixing my laptop!”

Me: “I… I really appreciate it, but you didn’t need to—”

Customer: “You fixed my problem quickly and with a smile. I’m not the best with technology but you were very patient with me, which is more than I can say about the staff over at [Competitor]. So enjoy that, and I’ll definitely be shopping here again!”

(That guy made my shift!)

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Got Him On Collar ID

| FL, USA | Right | November 20, 2013

Caller: “Hello, I bought a shirt in your store earlier today and the sign said $12 but I was charged $17. I’d like to return it.”

Me: “Oh goodness, I’m so sorry that happened to you! You can just come in and I’ll be more than happy to help you return that and make it right.”

Caller: “I’d like to return it over the phone, though.”

Me: “I’m afraid I can’t return a shirt without the shirt itself.”

Caller: “…”

Me: “…”

Caller: “Why not?”

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Condomning Consoling Behavior

| ID, USA | Right | November 20, 2013

(I work support for a well-known gaming system. It’s Super Bowl Sunday, and it’s very slow due to everybody watching the game. However, we are getting plenty of prank calls.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Game Company]. My name is [Name]. How can I help you today?”

(Note: the caller sounds like he is 13 years old at the most.)

Caller: “Uh, yeah. How do I put on a condom?”

Me: “Um, this is [Game Console] tech support. I can only help with [Game Console]-related questions. Is there anything I can help you with today?”

Caller: “Well, you see, I wanted to have sex with my [Game Console], but I didn’t want to get it pregnant, so that’s why I need to know how to put on a condom.”

Me: “Okay, sir, I guess you’d be happy to know that it is only a machine and therefore cannot get pregnant.”

Caller: “Aw, sweet!”

Me: “But I do need to point out that any liquid damage due to any related activities would void the warranty, and our technicians would not be able to accept it for any future repairs.”

Caller: *click*

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Now Hold Up A Minute

| Vernon, BC, Canada | Right | November 20, 2013

Me: “Hi, Mike speaking.”

Caller: “Hellooo?!”

Me: “Hi, Mike speaking.”

Caller: “Oh, thank goodness. Please tell your other associate he was incredibly rude and he needs better listening skills.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but who were you speaking with?”

Caller: “I’m not even sure. I was talking with some lady and she put me on hold. Then next thing I know, some guy picked up and wouldn’t stop talking about the mayor.”

Me: “…The mayor?”

Caller: “Yes. I kept telling him that I wasn’t interested and yet he kept talking about the bloody mayor. Then after that he just kept telling about the weather. He was very frustrating.”

Me: “Ma’am, that was our hold music. You were just listening to the news on the radio station that we use.”

Caller: *hangs up*

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Needs To Find A New Post

| UK | Right | November 20, 2013

Customer: “Excuse me. I’m looking for [brand] aftershave lotion, but you don’t seem to have any!”

Me: “Did you look in the [brand] section? I think they do a few different ones actually. I’ll show you now.”

(I walk him to the section and show him a few.)

Me: “So, you’ve got this one, for sensitive skin, and this one is—”

Customer: “This isn’t AFTER shave! It says right here: ‘POST Shave Balm!”

Me: “Erm, actually ‘post’ means ‘after.'”

Customer: “…What do they pay you here?”

Me: “Around [salary] per hour.”

Customer: “Well, you deserve every penny of it! You’re a smart girl!” *mutters as he walks off* “Who knew that ‘post’ meant ‘after’…”

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