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The Mother Of All Girlfriends

| Lexington, KY, USA | Related | November 22, 2013

(I’m in my early 20s, and tend to see less of the extended family. I’m with my mother, who at this point, is single, and looks very young for her age. One of my distant uncles has been drinking a bit and notices me.)

Drunk Uncle: *to my mother* “So, is this your new boyfriend?”

(Everybody breaks out laughing.)

Me: “Mom, if you need me, I’ll be in the car… crying.”

Red Solo(Use) Cup

| USA | Related | November 22, 2013

(My brother is about three years old, and I am one. My family is taking a road trip and my mom and my brother have to use the restroom, but there aren’t any stops close by. My dad hands my brother an empty cup.)

Dad: “Here [Brother’s Name], use this.”

Three-Year-Old Brother: “And when I’m done, Mommy can use it.”

Mom: “No, I can’t. I’m a girl, so I don’t have a penis.”

Three-Year-Old Brother: “We’ll have to go to the penis store and buy you one, then!”

Long Distance Relationships

| Romantic | November 22, 2013


Not Quite Married To The Idea, Part 2

| Estonia | Romantic | November 22, 2013

(My boyfriend and I have discussed the idea of marriage, but only jokingly. We’re 32 and 29, but I keep saying we’re too young to get married. I have just gotten back from travelling alone in Arabic countries for weeks, where I wore a golden ring to imply that I’m married, just in case.)

Boyfriend: “So today at the job interview I was asked if I’m married. I replied ‘Only when my girlfriend is travelling in Arabic countries and needs an excuse to get rid of other men hitting on her. Otherwise no, after five years together she still thinks we are too young.’ The interviewer didn’t ask any more personal questions afterwards…”


Can You Smell The Love Tonight, Part 8

| UK | Romantic | November 22, 2013

(I’m stuck in traffic on my way to collect my wife after work. She tends to wander around the nearby shops whenever this happens. I text her while I’m waiting at road works.)

Me: “Traffic is really bad. What are you up to?”

Wife: “Looking for Christmas presents, and conducting bombing runs in the home-ware shop.”

Me: “…What?”

(There is a pause, and then I realise what she is doing.)

Me: “You’re farting in the aisles and running away, aren’t you?”

Wife: “Yup!”

Me: “I love you.”

(At least she got it all out before I got there!)


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