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Pumping For Gas And Information

| Naugatuck, CT, USA | Working | November 22, 2013

(I go to a specific gas station almost every day because I like their prices, coffee, and staff. Today, five of their gas pumps are all down at once, causing a huge line of cars.)

Me: “Is everything okay? I noticed a lot of gas pumps with the ‘out of order’ bag over them.”

Cashier #1: “Gee, I don’t know. There’s a HUGE gas truck out in the parking lot, and several pumps are down. Hmmm…”

(I notice she’s being overly sarcastic, as if the answer is obvious.)

Cashier #1: “Maybe it’s because we’re low on gas and people swarm here and guzzle it all down? Did you ever think of that?! UGH!”

(She leaves to go have a cigarette, and I turn to the other cashier.)

Me: “Long morning?”

Cashier #2: “You have NO idea!”

Get Lost In Your Rock And Roll

| Related | November 22, 2013

funny-people-memes

Not A Gifted Father

| USA | Related | November 22, 2013

(Today is my birthday, while my step-sister’s birthday is a week away. I go over to my father’s house after picking up my step-sister from school. He asks me to stay for dinner, but does not say anything about my birthday. After dinner, my dad comes out with a big wrapped box.)

Dad: “I could not wait any longer! I had to give the birthday gift to my special girl!”

(My dad puts the gift in front of my step-sister.)

Dad: “I know it’s a week away [step-sister], but I could not hold off any longer!”

(I wait for a while, but my father does not pull out any gifts for me, or even say happy birthday. I am holding back tears the rest of the night. But the next day, my mom and step dad surprised me with ‘Book of Mormon’ tickets! I also had a great birthday dinner with my mom and step-dad’s family. Also a few months later, my dad gets mad that I don’t wish him a happy birthday, and calls me an “awful selfish daughter.” I have since stopped talking to him, and I have a much better life!)

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Treading A Sin Line

| England, UK | Related | November 22, 2013

(My dad is watching a documentary on religion in the middle ages, while I’m sitting at my laptop half-listening to it. At one point, the host begins to explain Heaven and Hell.)

Me: “Does she really have to explain what Heaven and Hell are?”

Dad: “Yeah, why not?”

Me: “Well, I’m sure pretty much everyone already knows what they are, even non-Christians.”

Dad: “Yeah, but very few people actually believe that stuff.”

Me: “I… what? I’m pretty sure they do.”

Dad: “Who?”

Me: “About one third of the entire planet!”

The Mother Of All Girlfriends

| Lexington, KY, USA | Related | November 22, 2013

(I’m in my early 20s, and tend to see less of the extended family. I’m with my mother, who at this point, is single, and looks very young for her age. One of my distant uncles has been drinking a bit and notices me.)

Drunk Uncle: *to my mother* “So, is this your new boyfriend?”

(Everybody breaks out laughing.)

Me: “Mom, if you need me, I’ll be in the car… crying.”

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