Archive for 2013

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Best Just To Enable Them

| Newark, OH, USA | Right | November 22, 2013

(A customer in her mid-40s comes up to the kiosk.)

Customer: “Excuse me.”

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “I put in my card at the pump, and it tells me ‘Pump Enabled.'”

Me: “…Yes?”

Customer: “What does ‘Enabled’ mean?”

Me: “Well, it means that you can work the pump. The transaction is probably going to time out by time you walk back to the pump, but try again. All it means is that the pump is working.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. Thank you.”

(The customer walks off and I continue counting cigarettes. After a few minutes, she comes back.)

Me: “Oh, welcome back!”

Customer: “It still says ‘Pump Enabled.'”

Me: “Go ahead and pump your gas, ma’am.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. Thanks.”

(She walks away, but after a few moments, I see her walking back to the kiosk.)

Me: “Ma’am, let me help you…”

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Was Not Performed In Chest

| Springfield, MO, USA | Right | November 22, 2013

(I work in the lingerie department of a large department store. A man and his wife walk in. The wife goes to look at our clearance racks, while her husband comes up to me.)

Man: “What bra size do you think I am?”

(The man attempts to puff out his chest, which amounts to little as he is flat-chested. I’m kind of taken aback, but I go with it.)

Me: “I’m not sure.”

Man: “Well, you measure people, right? Measure me!”

Me: “Sir, I don’t know if that’s—”

Man: “Come on! Measure me!”

(I grab my measuring tape and ask him to hold his arms up. He kind of dances around a bit, but I ignore him. I go to wrap the tape around his chest, which is a little awkward since I basically have to hug him.)

Me: “You’re a 42 band size—”

(Suddenly, the man leans in to kiss me. I jump way back.)

Me: “Woah! Personal bubble!”

(By now, his wife has returned. The man tries to explain.)

Man: *to his wife* “It’s her fault! She’s giving me a look!”

(The man and his wife leave soon after, but not before his wife comes and gives me a quick apology for her husband’s behavior!)

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Laptop Flop, Part 5

| Finland | Right | November 22, 2013

(A customer walks in with a cheap supermarket-branded laptop. She insists it’s only a tiny problem, but it turns out to be a malware-ridden horror show with no anti-virus software installed at all. I spend over 30 minutes cleaning it up with the customer standing behind my back. I recommend installing an anti-virus package, which the customer refuses. She then picks up her machine, and tries to walk out.)

Me: “Excuse me, aren’t you forgetting something?”

Customer: “…Huh?”

Me: “The service fee is 45 euros.”

Customer: “Oh, come on! The computer was already expensive, and now this?!”

Me: “I guess we couldn’t go on for long if we worked for free.”

Customer: “But this is what you nerds do on your free time anyway!”

 

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A High Infidelity Phone

| Absecon, NJ, USA | Right | November 22, 2013

(A customer of around 45 comes up to me. I am a 21-year-old girl.)

Customer: “Excuse me. I was wondering if I had enough memory on my phone for the movies I’ve downloaded, and to download more?”

Me: “Um, I’m not sure. Let’s go up to the mobile consultant. He should be able to answer that.”

(I start walking to the consultant, who is on the other side of the store. The customer stops me after about a foot, and pulls out his phone.)

Customer: “You see, I have all these movies; they’re short, but I have about 150 of them. And I have 32 GB of memory. I also don’t want my wife to see them, but I don’t want a separate memory card.”

Me: “I mean, I don’t know much about phones, but that seems like it should be sufficient.”

(The customer starts scrolling through his “movies,” which are clearly adult in nature.)

Customer: “I just got a Galaxy. The movies are so clear!”

(He starts to play several porn videos, as I stand there, shocked.)

Customer: “I’m hiding them from my wife. So, 32 GB should be good?”

Me: “Uh… yeah. Seems like it…”

Grand Theft Innocence, Part 7

| Derby, England, UK | Right | November 22, 2013

(I have recently started working part time at a locally-run video game store while I’m studying Law at the college. We have just gone over Statutory Instruments in class. A customer who looks about 14 walks in, picks up a copy of GTA 5, and walks to the counter.)

Customer: “Just this game, mate.”

Me: “Thats £40. Can I see some ID, please?”

Customer: “You can just let it slide, right? I mean, what’s the worst that could happen to you? I’m clearly 18 and just forgot my ID.”

Me: “Actually, selling age restricted goods to a minor is a statutory offence under the Children and Young Persons Act 1933 where the owners of this shop would be liable for prosecution. All that needs to be proved is that you bought the game and we are liable. I would lose my job and this place would more than likely shut down, so that’s the ‘worst that could happen.'”

Customer: “…So, is that a no?”

Me: “A large no.”

Customer: *runs out the door*

Manager: *to me* “I’m glad we chose you over the other guy!”

 

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