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And A Fish (Out Of Water) Burger

, | USA | Working | December 28, 2013

(I am English, but live in the USA. While driving one day I get thirsty, and go through the drive-thru of a popular burger chain.)

Worker: *through the speaker* “Welcome to [Fast Food Restaurant]. May I take your order?”

Me: “Can I get a bottle of water, please?”

Worker: “Could you repeat that, ma’am?”

Me: “Water. A bottle of water.”

Worker: “What was that?”

Me: “Water. Bottled water. Uh, to drink? Water?”

Worker: “Sorry, ma’am. Can you repeat that?”

(I figure the worker can’t understand my English accent, and try to (badly) imitate the local American accent.)

Me: “Can aaah get some waaah-trrrrr?”

Worker: “Sure! One water, that’ll be $1.10, first window!”

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The Wrong School Of Thought

| Raisio, Finland | Working | December 28, 2013

(After a long day of work, I go shopping for some clothes for my fiancé. I find a great bargain on some nice t-shirts. I am 24.)

Me: “These are lovely. My fiancé still uses some t-shirts from 8th grade. I thought it was well past time to upgrade.”

Cashier: “Oh wow. Yeah. Good call! Though perhaps 8th grade wasn’t that long ago?”

Me: “If he recently attended junior high, we would have a more serious problem than overused t-shirts!”

Grammar Is Not Their Calling

| Working | December 28, 2013

The Wrongest Ice-Cream

| NJ, USA | Related | December 28, 2013

(We have a tendency to go through ice cream bars fairly quickly in my household, with my father being the main offender. We have in the freezer a type of ice cream bar called a ‘Choco Taco,’ which my sister picked out. There’s only one left. We’d been talking about the ice cream in the freezer already. Both she and I know full well what he’s referring to.)

Dad: “Can I eat your taco?”

(We’re both used to him making double-entendres and then getting on our case for having our minds in the gutter when we point out how dirty he’s being. So, we react as expected.)

Both: “Dad, that’s disgusting!”

Dad: “What?”

Me: “That’s not really something you should be saying to your daughter.”

Dad: “What?”

Me: “Wait, you seriously don’t know what ‘taco’ is slang for?”

Dad: “No. I really wasn’t trying to be disgusting this time. What is it?”

(My sister explains it to him. He’s appropriately mortified. We relate this incident to our mother when she got home from work. We’re amazed to find that she didn’t know what ‘taco’ was slang for, either. We were left looking at each other, wondering if some sort of generation gap was involved.)

Sleeping Through Parenting

| USA | Related | December 28, 2013

(My sister has just fallen out of her bed and is crying. My mom wakes and shakes my dad.)

Mom: “Honey, get up. Your daughter is injured.”

Dad: *sleepily* “Why is she my daughter at times like this?! You go!”

Mom: “I did the birthing. You do the check-ups. Now, go! She may be badly hurt.”

Dad: *grumpily* “Fine!”

(Dad gets up and trudges to the door, still asleep. But he goes in the walk in closet, and gets stuck there. Meanwhile, my sister is still crying.)

Dad: *pawing through clothes* “Honey! Help! I can’t get out! Is this the hallway? Where am I?”

Mom: “You’re in the closet! Oh, God!”

(Mom finally gets up and takes care of my sister. After, she finds my dad asleep on the closet floor. The next morning he has no memory of what happened!)

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