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Needs To Slow-Mo Down

| TX, USA | Romantic | December 29, 2013

(I just sent my boyfriend a link to a gif of B-Mo from Adventure Time.)

Boyfriend: “B-Mo! If you dressed him in black and white stripes, he would be Bee-Mo!”

Me: “When he’s really happy, he’s Glee-Mo.”

Boyfriend: “When he’s sad, is he E-Mo?”

Me: “When he’s dragged behind a boat, he’s Ski-Mo. When he’s going to the bathroom, he’s Pee-Mo. When he looks like me, he’s Me-Mo. When he’s a tiny bug, he’s Flea-Mo. When he’s a girl, he’s She-Mo. When he’s out in the ocean, he’s Sea-Mo. When he’s being cheesy, he’s Brie-Mo. When he’s not in prison, he’s Free-Mo. When he’s drinking a chai latte, he’s Tea-Mo. When he unlocks doors, he’s Key-Mo. When there’s two more of him, he’s Three-Mo. When he sprouts leaves, he’s Tree-Mo.”

Boyfriend: “That is wonderful!”

Me: “I think I’m all out.”

Boyfriend: “I think I love you!”

The Death Of Language

| France | Learning | December 29, 2013

(I’m seven or eight. I’m in a school bus taking children to the swimming pool. The bus stops at a traffic light, just next to a cemetery. I overhear two boys talking.)

Boy #1: “Hey, look! A giant chess board!”

Boy #2: “Wow!”

Me: “Actually, it’s a cemetery.”

Boy #1: “No. It’s a giant chess board. Isn’t it, [Boy’s Name]?”

Boy #2: “Yeah! Girls are silly. Cemetery? That word doesn’t even exist!”

Feeding The Baby And The Trolls

| Right | December 28, 2013

With A Side Order Of Hypocrisy

| ID, USA | Right | December 28, 2013

(It’s my first night shift at my new job. Two customers come in at around 9 pm.)

Me: “Hi. Welcome to [Restaurant]. How can I help you?”

Customer #1: “Can I have a chicken sandwich?”

Customer #2: “Ugh. Don’t do that! All the food here is crap! It’s CRAP! You’ll get FAT!”

Me: *awkwardly* “So… would you like—”

Customer #2: “It isn’t real food here, anyway. It’s all processed and fake!”

Customer #1: “Are you getting something or not?”

Customer #2: “Yeah.” *to me* “Gimme two double cheeseburgers and a medium fry.”

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Order(s) Out Of Disorder, Part 2

| PA, USA | Right | December 28, 2013

(I work at a drive-in style restaurant that also takes call-in orders. It’s store policy to ask for the customer’s name before ending the call, because we sometimes get more than one call-in order at a time.)

Me: “Hello. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Pick-up.”

Me: “Okay. Not a problem!”

(I check the register, and I see that we have three call-in orders at the moment.)

Me: “What was the name for that order?”

Customer: “I don’t know! I didn’t call it in!”

Me: “Well, we have several call-in orders right now so I’ll need some information to make sure you get the right one. What food was on the order?”

Customer: “How the h*** should I know what she ordered?!”

Me: “Okay… So, you don’t know the name and you don’t know what the order was for?”

Customer: “Yeah, whatever! Now give me my food!”

Me: “Without the name or the order, I have no way of knowing which one is yours. You’ll either have to call and ask or wait for all the other orders to be picked up first because I can’t just guess and risk giving out someone else’s food to the wrong person.”



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