(My aunt works for a fancy chocolatier in Australia, and brings back tons of chocolate we can’t find here. My dad and I have been eating them almost every day as a result, and I’ve been getting a little sick of it.)
Dad: “Do you want some chocolate?”
Me: “Not really.”
Dad: “It has crunchy nougat.”
Me: “Uh. Fine. I’ll eat one.”
Dad: “You know what they say: Nougat, no glory.”
Related:
Death By Chocolate
(I am attending an event next door. I order a steak sub to go. I leave for a moment, and return just before my order is ready. The employee calls out my name. Before I can get to the counter another customer rushes up, grabs the bag, and walks out. The employee immediately disappears into the kitchen area. The customer comes back in with the sub unwrapped, slams it down on the counter, and yells.)
Customer: “I ordered BREADSTICKS! You ALWAYS mess up my order!”
(The employee looks at it, puzzled. I chime in.)
Me: “That’s because it was my order.”
Employee: “Oh.” *hands it to me* “Well, take it then.”
Me: “I’m not interested in taking a sandwich that another customer has already unwrapped and mangled.”
Employee: “If it was your order why didn’t you take it?”
Me: “She beat me to it. Shouldn’t you double check that it’s the right person grabbing the bag?”
(The employee sighs, and apologizes to the breadstick customer, but not to me.)
Employee: *wearily* “Now I’m going to have to re-make the sub.”
Me: “Well, yeah…”
(I’m starving, and also missing more of the event next door than I’d planned to miss just to grab a sandwich. The customer gets her breadsticks, with another apology, and leaves. Finally I get my sandwich; with no apology, of course. As I walk out, I hear the employee.)
Employee: “Geez, we made her sandwich twice and she didn’t even say thank you.”
(My boyfriend and I wake up in bed underneath the covers. My boyfriend wishes me good morning and tries to kiss me.)
Me: “Ew, don’t. I’m sure I have morning breath.”
Boyfriend: “Oh please, like you could smell worse than me.”
(I choose to show him up by farting.)
Boyfriend: “What was that? Your flatulence is weak.”
Me: “Oh yeah? Then ‘dutch’ it!”
(I throw the covers over his head and hold him under.)
Boyfriend: “Seriously? I can’t smell anything. That’s pathetic. You’ve got to try harder, like THIS!”
(My boyfriend rips one very loud and long one, still under the covers.)
Me: “Impressive…”
Boyfriend: “Oh… GET ME OUT OF HERE!”
(My boyfriend starts to struggle to free himself from the covers.)
Me: “No! Don’t bring it out here!”
(The professor is explaining that there’ll be no math class on Monday.)
Professor: “On Monday is what’s called a curriculum review day, which means the entire math department gets together and looks at our curriculum.”
Student: “Do you only look at your own curriculums, or do you show your curriculums off to one another?”
(I am a high school student taking [Medication] to manage my ADHD. I have to get a signed prescription every month from the doctor, who has just hired a new receptionist.)
Me: “Hello. My name is [Name] and I’m calling in for a prescription for [Medication].”
Receptionist: “Okay, your file says time-release, [number] mg per day, and I’ll put in three refills so you don’t have to call back as soon.”
Me: “You can’t put in refills for [Medication].”
Receptionist: “See, this way, your pharmacist can just give you a bottle each month, and you don’t have to call the doctor for three months.”
Me: “[Medication] is a class-C controlled drug. You can’t put refills on my prescription because it is illegal. The pharmacist won’t fill it. Please write me out a new prescription.”
(When I got the prescription a few days later in the mail, it said ‘Refills X3.’ We had to go to the doctor’s office in person to get a proper prescription. Way to save us time, receptionist!)
