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They Run Rings Around Romance

| USA | Romantic | December 30, 2013

(My boyfriend and I are lying down watching TV. A commercial comes up for a $2,499 ring for the holiday season. I make a disgruntled noise at the number.)

Boyfriend: *looks at me, making a worried face* “Okay… I love you but I—”

Me: “NO! Just, no.”

Boyfriend: *gives me a confused look*

Me: “Please, PLEASE don’t spend that much on a ring for me if that happens. That’s just TOO MUCH for a ring!”

Boyfriend: “I know! Right!?”

Me: “Yes! I mean I don’t know if I could deny the ring if you’d bought it for that much, but I’d at least ask if you were sure? It is really not that necessary to get a ring THAT expensive!”

Boyfriend: *laughs* “What about one of those quarter machine rings with Cinderella on them?”

Me: “S***. Just get me a Ring Pop. At least I can eat that.”

Doing A Number On His Confidence

| Columbus, OH, USA | Romantic | December 30, 2013

(I am texting a boy from my school, who I am not very close to.)

Boy: “Hey… I really think we would work well together. I love spending time with you. Will you go out with me?”

(I am freaking out, because I barely even know him! But I want to be polite and kind to him.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but I think we should just be friends for now.”

Boy: “Oh, that’s okay. Worth asking. So how have you been?”

(Personally, I think it is very uncomfortable to continue a conversation with him after I have just turned him down. I don’t want to be rude to him so I reply and we keep talking for several hours. Eventually we get on the subject of nicknames.)

Boy: “Hey! You should make up a nickname for me!”

Me: “Um… I’m not really very good at it, but here goes?”

(I give him a nickname that is just his last name with ‘ie’ added to it.)

Boy: “That’s great! And your nickname can be Stirrup!”

Me: “Why would that be my nickname?”

Boy: “Because your last name is Stirrup!”

(My last name is not Stirrup. Not even close. At this point I am a little frustrated that he tried to ask me out, considering he doesn’t even know my last name!)

Me: “Um… No. It’s not. It’s [totally different last name].”

Boy: “What? Wait… Who is this?”

Me: “[My Name]…?”

Boy: “Crap! All my contacts got deleted and I thought this was someone else! I’m so, so sorry!”

(At this point, all I can do is laugh. We had been talking for several hours and he thought I was someone else! Moral of the story: DO NOT ask someone out over text!)

Game, Set, Match Made In Heaven

| England, UK | Romantic | December 30, 2013

(It is a few weeks before Christmas. My girlfriend and I are swapping presents early as we intend to spend the actual day opening presents with our daughter.)

Girlfriend: “Here. This is your main present.”

Me: *I unwrap a copy of ‘Grand Theft Auto V’* “Thanks!”

Girlfriend: “The little one is in bed. Why don’t you have a play now?”

Me: “Oh, yeah. Great!”

(I start the game, and a few minutes in…)

Girlfriend: “I’m such a good girlfriend. Not only do I buy the exact game you wanted but I let you play it!”

Me: “To be fair, if you bought it for me and didn’t let me play it, it would make you a pretty lousy girlfriend.”

Tell Me No More, Tell Me No More

| USA | Learning | December 30, 2013

(It’s the first day back from school. Our middle school is set up to prepare us for high school, so we switch classes a few times a day with different students in the classes. It’s the last period of the day.)

Teacher: “We’ll go around the room and tell the class what we did over summer vacation.”

(By this point I’m annoyed with the request. I am known for my short temper and lashing out with little to no provocation.)

Me: “Can we skip this please?” *I start to point around the room* “[Six ‘popular’ girls] laid on the beach ogling guys, getting their tan on, and belittling anyone who wasn’t a size two on the beach. [Five ‘gangsters/tough guys’] got arrested for drugs or some other dumb s*** they thought they could get away with. [Two ‘skater’ kids] went to the skate park every day. [Five ‘gamer’ kids] spent their summer playing whatever new video game just came out, yelling for their mommies any time they wanted something but didn’t want to get up to get it themselves,. And [four jocks] spent the summer playing for whatever sports team they play on all summer. Everyone does the same thing every f****** summer so there’s no point in subjecting us to this crap every year!”

Teacher: “[My Name], that’s inappropriate for school!”

Me: “Anyone please stand up and tell me I’m wrong!”

(No one stands up or even says a word.)

Me: “Okay. Can we please move on?”

Teacher: “Maybe you’ll enlighten the class with what you did?”

Me: “I worked and adopted a kitten. How about you get to teaching now?”

Student: *under his breath* “How can someone with a kitten be so grumpy?”

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Won’t Be Snowed Under With Work

| UK | Learning | December 30, 2013

(It is close to the Christmas holidays. Snow has just begun to come down. A boy stops writing and stares out of the window.)

Teacher: *annoyed* “[Name]! You’re far too old to be acting like that. Nobody else is abandoning their work just because of a few flakes of snow.”

The Rest of Us: “SNOW?!”

(We all leave our seats and rush to the window. It takes a considerable amount of time to settle the class down again.)

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