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Steal Oneself For Racists

| Serverna Park, VA, USA | Working | December 8, 2013

(I am in a bookstore buying some books for my younger brother. I am Japanese.)

Me: “Hi. I’m going to buy these.”

Cashier: “Okay.”

(I see the cashier pick up a radio and operate the register for change. I don’t take any notice until a security guard comes up.)

Security Guard: “What seems to be the problem?”

Cashier: “This Jap was trying to buy these books. Now, I can TELL she’s really got something else with her; she’s trying to distract me while stealing it.”

Me: *horrified* “WHAT?!”

Security Guard: “Did you see her pick anything else up?”

Cashier: “I KNOW she’s not getting these books for herself; they’re fifth grade! And there’s a ton of stuff on the counter.”

(I look. They include candy and an assortment of small handbooks, none of which are worth stealing.)

Cashier: “Plus, she’s a teenager! The only reason teenagers come into shops is to steal! They never read!”

Security Guard: “Just stop being bigoted and let me search her bag.”

(The security guard searches my bag. The cashier just looks smug.)

Cashier: “You are SOOOO in trouble, ‘ching-chong’!'”

Security Guard: “There’s nothing in here that she hasn’t brought. And I think you’d better apologize to her.”

Cashier: “As if! I’m going on break!”

(The cashier goes off. When I next went back to the store, thankfully, I heard she was fired!)

1 Thumbs

Meet The Pun Family, Part 2

| Chicopee, MA, USA | Related | December 8, 2013

(My sister walks into the room and my dad points to her arm.)

Dad: *freaking out* “What is that?!”

Sister: “It’s a tattoo.”

(The tattoo is a tacky leopard print on her arm, with claw marks in it.)

Dad: “Oh, thought you had leopard-sy. ”

Everyone Else: *facepalm*

Meet The Pun Family

A Drought Of Thought

| TX, USA | Related | December 8, 2013

(We are watching the news. The weather comes on. The weatherman mentions rain coming in off the ocean.)

Sister: “It can rain in the ocean?!”

Me: “[Sister], what is rain made of?”

Sister: “Water…”

Me: “What causes rain?”

Sister: “Evaporation…”

Me: “What causes evaporation?”

Sister: “The sun…”

Me: “Is there sun on the ocean?”

Sister: “I don’t know.”

Mom: “[Sister], was there sun on the beach when we went?”

Sister: “Yes…”

Me: “So is there rain on the ocean?”

(Mom wouldn’t let me put it on Facebook, so I’ll put it on NotAlwaysRelated!)

Good Thing They Caught Each Other, Part 15

| Marysville, OH, USA | Romantic | December 8, 2013

(I am and always have been very into Pokémon, while my boyfriend is just getting into it because of me. He is playing one of the games as we text back and forth. It should be noted that my nickname for him is ‘Moose.’)

Boyfriend: “I like this game. Hey, what’s good against grass types?”

Me: “Lots of things. Fire, ice, flying, bug…”

(I don’t hear back for a while as he plays the game. Then I suddenly get another text.)

Boyfriend: “Moose used ‘Tackle!’ It’s super-effective! The wild [My Name] fell for Moose!”

Me: “The only flaw there is that ‘Tackle’ is a normal type move, and therefore isn’t super-effective against ANYTHING.”

Boyfriend: “I know… but I was hoping you’d give me this just once!”

Good Thing They Caught Each Other, Part 14
Good Thing They Caught Each Other, Part 13

Number One Is The Best Of The Trilogy

| Dover, DE, USA | Romantic | December 8, 2013

(We’ve just had sex, and I am straddling my boyfriend.)

Me: “What would you do if a girl peed on you in this position to mark you as her territory?”

Boyfriend: “I’d probably throw her off into the coffee table or something. That’s just not okay.”

Me: “You wouldn’t even say anything to her? You would just throw her off?”

(My boyfriend holds up his hand and does a Gandalf impersonation.)

Boyfriend: “YOU SHALL NOT PISS!”

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