(I work at a store as the main cashier.)

Me: “Okay, your total comes to $6.66. Wow, you’re one unlucky person.”

Customer: “$6.66!? I REFUSE TO PAY! YOU’RE A DEVIL! YOU PUT A CURSE ON ME. HOW DARE YOU DO THAT TO ME!” *storms out of the store yelling prayers*

Me: “Thank you for calling [Bank]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “My bank called and left a message for me to call them back. Should I call them back?”

Me: “Well, that is completely up to you.”

Customer: “Why are they calling?”

Me: “I’m afraid that I work in a call center and not at your branch bank. I do not know why they’re calling you.”

Customer: “Hmm.”

(There is a prolonged moment of silence.)

Customer: “In your opinion, what do you think they might have wanted?”

Me: “I’m afraid I don’t know that. If you’re curious, I would suggest calling them back.”

Customer: “Is that your opinion on what I should do?”

Me: “Only if you’re curious.”

Customer: “Well, I am.”

Me: “Then, it seems like it is settled.”

Customer: “So you think I should call them back.”

(This back-and-forth goes on for 12 minutes.)

Me: “Again, I don’t know why they are calling. If you want to know, you can call them. If you do not want to know, you should not call them.”

Customer: “Okay. I’ll think about it. Thank you. Bye.”

Me: “Have a good day, sir.”

(I am an assistant manager in the box office of an exhibition space in Times Square. This exhibition space has many investors. One is a popular cable television network from which the space took its name. A relatively normal-looking customer approaches my window.)

Me: “Hello! How can I help you?”

(The customer pauses, looking nervous.)

Me: “Did you have any questions about the exhibit?”

Customer: “Um, yes.”

Me: “Okay… go ahead.”

Customer: “YES! I was wondering why you took away my [aforementioned cable network] channel. I can’t understand why you would do that. My children and I really enjoyed learning about the things that we saw. It was good!”

Me: “Ah, I see. Well, even though [cable network] is our namesake, we’re not at all affiliated with their programming. I’m sorry. I would recommend calling your cable provider to see if there were any changes in your service.”

Customer: “No, but yes, but NO. I can’t understand why you would do this! Because you see it’s my CHILDREN. It was something that we enjoyed TOGETHER.”

Me: “Yeah. I hear ya. Unfortunately, that’s not us. We’re a museum space.”

Customer: “Is this because of Oprah?”

Me: “So, I… what?”

Customer: “OPRAH. I know she was changing some things around.”

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “I can’t believe you took this away from my children just because Oprah told you to.”

Me: “Ma’am, I can assure you that we have nothing whatsoever to do with Oprah.”

Customer: *turning to leave* “I just can’t believe Oprah would do this to her black brothers and sisters. They were LEARNING.”

Me: “Um, right. You have a great night.”

Customer: *turning and yelling from across the lobby* “So this wasn’t the place?”

Me: “This was not the place.”

(I’m a member of a local community center. While I’ve generally been happy with the services they provide, I can’t help but notice that the place seems to be somewhat mismanaged. They often seem to waste money on unnecessary things like extra staff who don’t really do anything, while at the same time they fail to address critical things like building maintenance. I’m on the community center’s website and I notice that they now offer the option to chat with an agent. I’m a bit skeptical. I decide to give it a try.)

Agent: “Hello. Thanks for contacting [Community Center]. How may I help you?”

Me: “What is this chat for?”

Agent: “[Community Center] operates programs for new mothers/new babies, day care, nursery school, after school activities, summer camps, teen programs, adult activities, special needs programs, holiday events, and cultural activities for all.”

Me: “I’m well aware of that. I asked about the purpose of this chat feature.”

Agent: “To felicitate the customers on the website.”

Me: “You’re going to felicitate me? For what? I’m pretty sure you used the wrong word there. Might want to look it up.”

Agent: “I’m sorry. I’m an internet representative for the company and only have access to general information.”

(At this point I feel bad for messing with the guy. I decide to ask a legitimate question and see if he can actually offer some useful information.)

Me: “Tell me about your nursery school programs.”

Agent: “These extensive and varied programs are reflective of [Community Center]’s compelling mission to create a dynamic, caring community that helps families, youth, the elderly, and the disabled at all economic levels.”

Me: “Are you for real? How do nursery school programs help the elderly?”

Agent: “Thank you for contacting [Community Center]. Goodbye.”

(I work at a local theater in the box office. I pride myself on quick service and being polite. I see some guys watching the line and specifically picking me to get their tickets.)

Customer #1: “Hi! Can I get two tickets to see [Movie] please?”

Me: “Certainly!”

(I ring in their movie choices and show their total, reading it off to them.)

Customer #1: “Perfect! Here.”

(Customer #1 then hands me a roll of electrical tape. I look at him and then unroll it and realize that he has taped exact change for two tickets in quarters, dimes, and nickels. Flabbergasted, I give him a look to see if he’s attempting to play me.)

Me: “Sir, I don’t mean to be rude, but do you realize the amount of work this requires for me?”

Customer #2: “But you have to accept it, right? Can’t you just count it out? I mean, it’s exactly how much our tickets are.”

Me: “Yes, sir. I can count it up. But in order to process this order and put it in my till, I’ll need to take each coin off the strip of tape, count them, and then put them in the till.”

Customer #1: “But… then we’ll be late for the movie!”

(I’m still not convinced that they aren’t attempting to play me. I count out almost 20 dollars of exact change, putting it into stacks on the counter. Then I do a quick count to make sure I didn’t miss any coins.)

Me: “Alright, sir. Everything seems to be in order. Here are your tickets.”

Customer #2: “I’d like to file a complaint with your manager! That was one of the longest transactions I’ve ever experienced at this theater.”

(A manager actually works the box at all times. My manager has seen my dilemma and had given me a sympathetic shrug as I counted, and apparently has heard the customer complain.)

Manager: “I’d like you to have a look at this sign.”

(My manager points to the sign behind the counter that informs customers of our right to refuse service.)

Manager: “At any point [My Name] could’ve chosen not to admit you into this theater. I think that he didn’t makes up for the fact that you are going to miss the first few previews from your movie.”

(Customer #2 glares at me. Suddenly, Customer #1, who has been silent since handing me his quarters, grabs his friend by the ear and drags him into the theater before Customer #2 can speak again.)