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Putting The Squeeze On Stupid

, | Montana, USA | Working | December 30, 2012

(I am talking to some of my coworkers about how I wanted to get a pet snake. I have always loved snakes, and have been considering getting one for awhile.)

Me: “I think I want to get a ball python, because they don’t get very big, but I would love a boa!”

Coworker: “Why the h*** do you want a snake?”

Me: “Uh, cause I like them.”

Coworker: “Wouldn’t you rather have a ferret, or a hamster?”

Me: “You’re acting like I have no choice, like it’s a snake or nothing.”

Coworker: “Well, I hope that when you get that snake, it bites you and injects you with poison!”

(Most of my coworkers went silent at that point. They all know I have a bit of a temper. But, instead, I start to laugh.)

Me: “Seriously? Do you have any idea what you are talking about? First of all, it’s not poison, it is venom. Secondly, pythons and boas don’t have venom. They are constrictors, hence the name Boa Constrictor. If you are going to be a jerk, at least sound intelligent when you do it!”

(My coworker wouldn’t talk to me for almost a week after that. Now, 6 months and a new job later, I’ve got my first baby ball python!)

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His Brain Is On The Rocks

| London, UK | Working | December 30, 2012

Me: “Single vodka and diet Coke; no ice, please.”

Bartender: “Sure.”

(He takes a glass and immediately begins filling it with ice.)

Me: “No ice, please!”

(He continues putting ice in the glass.)

Me: “Excuse me! No ice, please!”

Bartender: “What?”

Me: “No ice!”

Bartender: “You don’t want ice?”

Me: “No thanks.”

(He sighs theatrically, empties out the ice, and takes the now empty glass to the optics.)

Bartender: “Did you say whisky?”

Me: “No, vodka. And diet Coke.”

Bartender: “Single or double?”

Me: “Single, please!”

Bartender: “With Coke?”

Me: “DIET Coke, please.”

Bartender: “Oh sorry, did you want ice in that?”

December 2012 Top Story Roundup

| Not Always Working | Working | December 30, 2012

December 2012 Top Story Roundup: Here are Not Always Working’s top-rated stories for the month of December!

  1. The Age Of Penitence (724 thumbs up)
  2. Take It Personally To The Bank (694 thumbs up)
  3. This Employee’s A Real Cut-Up (686 thumbs up)
  4. Time To Try Another Tactic (670 thumbs up)
  5. Security Shouldn’t Be So Elementary (654 thumbs up)

PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

December 2012 Top Story Roundup

Not Always Related | Related | December 30, 2012

December 2012 Top Story Roundup: Here are Not Always Related’s top-rated stories for the month of December!

  1. A Happy Ending Is In The Cards (862 thumbs up)
  2. Seek Comfort In Cousins (780 thumbs up)
  3. More Than A Whinge About The Syringe (709 thumbs up)
  4. The Magic Of Childhood (686 thumbs up)
  5. They Age So Fast, Ink And You’ll Miss Them (565 thumbs up)

PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

There Is No Flip-Side To This Argument

| MA, USA | Related | December 30, 2012

(It’s Christmas. I’ve gotten my dad a CD collection of some of his favourite radio programs from the 40s and 50s. I return to the family room after helping my mom in the kitchen to find my dad on his hands and knees in front of the stereo cabinet, trying to figure out how to play his present.)

Dad: *plaintively* “Help.”

Me: *kneels down* “Start by opening the tray.”

(I push the button and it pops out. Note that it’s a 5-disc changer.)

Dad: “So, I put one in each slot?”

Me: “Yup! There you go. Just make sure you load them in order.”

Dad: “But if I put them all in at once, won’t it only play one side before going to the next one? Does it tell you when to flip it over?”

Me: “Erm, dad. CDs aren’t like records. They only have one side.”

Dad: “Really? Isn’t that a waste of space?”

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