Archive for 2012

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Lying Doesn’t Sit Well

| Baltimore, MD, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Top

(I’m clearing off the outdoor patio because we’ve stopped seating and our kitchen is closed. Three customers sit down at a table.)

Me: “I’m sorry guys, but the outdoor seating is closed. Our kitchen and the dinning room are closed too, but the bar will be open till two.”

Customers: *inaudible grumbling*

Me: “Sorry, folks. ”

(I clean off a few more tables. As I’m walking back inside, one of the men at the table stops me.)

Customer: “I know you’re closed and all, but I’m just saying we were sat out here by a host. Maybe you guys should get your S*** together!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir? A host sat you without menus or silverware?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “Do you know her name or what she looked like, sir? I’d like to talk to her.”

Customer: *stumbling for words* “I don’t know…she—”

Me: “…Especially since the last host was cut over an hour ago, and I’m the only server still on the floor. I must say I’m VERY curious who sat you.”

Customer: “Well…F*** YOU!” *leaves with his friends*

Me: “Have a nice night, guys!”

Alohomorons

| Newport, TN, USA | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids

(I’m working in the library when a patron of about 11 or 12 years of age walks up. We have the following exchange.)

Young Patron: “Where do you have the Harry Potter books?”

Me: “They’re right back here…”

(I show her to the section where we keep them. She stares at them for a while.)

Young Patron: “Can I have the Prisoner of Azkaban?”

(I take it out and place it on a table. She opens it up and leafs through it.)

Young Patron: “Oh my God! There are so many words! Can I have the one with less pages?!”

Your Car Must Have A Telepathic Transmission

| Ohio, USA | Crazy Requests, Top

(A customer calls my shop asking for a price on a car part.)

Customer: “I need a price on a piece for a window in my car. No other shop seems to be able to give me a price.”

Me: “Sure, ma’am, I’d be glad to help you. What kind of car do you have, and what part is broken?”

Customer: “Does that matter?”

Me: “Well yes, ma’am…prices are different depending on what part and what car.”

Customer: “Well, I’m not giving you that information!”

Me: “Unfortunately, without a little more to work with I won’t be able to find out what it would cost you. If you’d be willing to tell me the vehicle and part, I could get you an exact price.”

Customer: “Okay, smarta***, don’t give me an exact price then. Just give me a ball park.”

Me: “Well, the part could range anywhere from $50 to $3,000. But again, it all depends on the year, make, model, and what part is broken.”

Customer: “I don’t appreciate being patronized! There is no way that this could cost $3,000!”

Me: “Well, ma’am, it could depending on what the damaged part—”

Customer: “I want to give you a business tip: if a customer asks for a price, you give them an exact price! You don’t give them a ball park figure if they ask for an exact price, and you certainly don’t make up outrageous figures like that. If you expect to stay in business, you should work on being more helpful! *slams down phone*