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It Isn’t Butter-Beer

| NC, USA | Related | December 31, 2012

(My youngest brother is 20 years younger than me. I take him around with me as I run errands. The week before New Years, I stop at the ABC liquor store with him in tow. He is awed by all of the creative bottles.)

Brother: “Are these potions?”

Me: “Yes, but only for grown-ups…”

A Wife…

| Romantic | December 31, 2012

He Isn’t Presentable

| LA, USA | Romantic | December 31, 2012

(It’s Christmas and we are opening presents, when I notice my mom doesn’t have one from my dad.)

Me: “Daddy, why didn’t you by Mommy a present?”

Mom: “Because Daddy forgot, like he always does.”

Dad: “I didn’t forget! She’s got me! That’s the best gift there is!”

Mom: “Sadly, he’s the sort of gift that is non-returnable.”

Eggs For Dinner

| Vista, CA, USA | Romantic | December 31, 2012

(My wife and I have a tendency to use baby-talk with each other when no one else is around. We are lying in bed.)

Wife: “So, what should we have for dinner?”

Me: *kissy face* “Oh, maybe some leftie-over-ies.”

Wife: *bolts upright* “What?”

Me: *incredulous* “What did I say?”

Wife: *laughs* “We are not going to eat my ovaries!”

Me: “I said leftovers.”

Wife: “You said ovaries. Actually, my left ovary.”

Me: *shrugs* “I guess I did.” *pokes her side* “Well, give it to me then.”

I Love You, Non-warts And All

| Stockholm, Sweden | Romantic | December 31, 2012

(Me and my husband are play-fighting. He’s started to tickle me and I’m falling over laughing.)

Me: “Wait. Have I always sounded like the wicked witch when I laugh, or did that start now?”

Husband: *pauses for a moment* “Nope, that started now.”

(My husband resumes tickling.)

Me: “Stop it! I feel like all I need now is a wart on my nose!”

Husband: “You are my wife. All you ask for, you shall receive!”

(He grabs the back of my neck and starts rubbing my face against a small red dot on his arm.)

Me: *muffled* “I appreciate the sentiment, but that’s not a wart.”

Husband: “No?”

Me: “No.”

Husband: *very disappointed* “I have failed you!”

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