(My date needs to pick up some groceries before driving home so I tag along with him. I go off to the bathroom, but when I return, I see he’s dancing with a tiny, pull-around shopping cart.)

Me: “Oh, so you’d dance with a cart but not me?!”

My Date: “Well, you were gone and it was here. I shall name it Carty and it’ll be our Carty, forever and ever.”

Me: *fake sniffles*

(After our shopping trip, we have to put ‘Carty’ back.)

My Date: “Okay Carty, your family has to go now. But that’s okay because they’ll take care of you here. Bye bye Carty… we’ll miss you.”

Me: “You still danced with that cart instead of me.”

My Date: “At least I didn’t abandon you at the store.”

(I am talking to some of my coworkers about how I want to get a pet snake. I have always loved snakes and have been considering getting one for a while.)

Me: “I think I want to get a ball python, because they don’t get very big, but I would love a boa!”

Coworker: “Why the h*** do you want a snake?”

Me: “Uh, because I like them.”

Coworker: “Wouldn’t you rather have a ferret or a hamster?”

Me: “You’re acting like I have no choice, like it’s a snake or nothing.”

Coworker: “Well, I hope that when you get that snake, it bites you and injects you with poison!”

(Most of my coworkers go silent at that point. They all know I have a bit of a temper. But, instead, I start to laugh.)

Me: “Seriously? Do you have any idea what you are talking about? First of all, it’s not poison; it is venom. Secondly, pythons and boas don’t have venom. They are constrictors, hence the name ‘Boa Constrictor.’ If you are going to be a jerk, at least sound intelligent when you do it!”

(My coworker wouldn’t talk to me for almost a week after that. Now, six months and a new job later, I’ve got my first baby ball python!)

This story is part of our Snakes roundup!

Want to read the next story? Click here!

Want to read the roundup? Click here!

December 2012 Top Story Roundup: Here are Not Always Right’s top-rated stories for the month of December!

1. Best Not To Exchange With Haters (4,336 thumbs up)
   A bigoted customer finds out that managers won’t exchange good employees for bad customers!
2. The Gift Card That Keeps Giving (4,063 thumbs up)
   This heartwarming Christmas story shows that gift cards are anything but impersonal.
3. Mama Puts A Stammer In Your Swagger (3,640 thumbs up)
   A foul-mouthed teenage customer meets his match: his mother!
4. Working Hard: $100; Holiday Spirit: Priceless (3,613 thumbs up)
   A little old lady comes to the defense of an employee going through holiday hell.
5. Hail To The Bus Driver (3,493 thumbs up)
   Caught in a snowstorm, off-the-clock bus driver goes above and beyond for a passenger!

PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

December 2012 Top Story Roundup: Here are Not Always Right’s top-rated stories for the month of December!

1. Best Not To Exchange With Haters (4,336 thumbs up)
   A bigoted customer finds out that managers won’t exchange good employees for bad customers!
2. The Gift Card That Keeps Giving (4,063 thumbs up)
   This heartwarming Christmas story shows that gift cards are anything but impersonal.
3. Mama Puts A Stammer In Your Swagger (3,640 thumbs up)
   A foul-mouthed teenage customer meets his match: his mother!
4. Working Hard: $100; Holiday Spirit: Priceless (3,613 thumbs up)
   A little old lady comes to the defense of an employee going through holiday hell.
5. Hail To The Bus Driver (3,493 thumbs up)
   Caught in a snowstorm, off-the-clock bus driver goes above and beyond for a passenger!

PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

(An old man comes up to purchase a pair of shoes. I am nearby while my manager rings it up.)

Manager: “Now, hold onto your receipt, because you can use it anytime to get another pair half price!”

Customer: “Oh, I doubt I’ll get to use it. I’ll probably be dead before I need new shoes again.”

Manager: “Oh, don’t say that! You’ve got to stay positive!”

Customer: “Ah, when you get to be my age, all the ‘positive’ gets used up. First you can’t poke it no more, and then it just goes downhill from there!” *leaves*