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If At First You Don’t Succeed, Cry Again

| ON, Canada | Related | October 11, 2012

(I am almost 3 years old, and have become very upset that my mom won’t buy me a toy.)

Me: “But mommy! Please!”

Mom: “No.”

(I throw myself to the ground, kicking and crying.)

Mom: “Ha!”

(She throws herself to the ground, kicking and crying.)

Me: *I stop and sit up* “Ha ha, mommy. You look funny.”

Mom: “Oh, yeah? That’s what everyone in this mall thinks of you.”

(I never had another temper tantrum again.)

Mama Meme, Part 2

| VIC, Australia | Related | October 11, 2012

(My mother is the sweetest person you will ever meet, and is quite demure most of the time. My brother and I love making things into jokes, and at this point in time we’re into ‘That’s what she said jokes’.)

Mum: *trying to put a roast into the oven* “It’s really big! I don’t think it’s going to fit!”

Brother and me: “That’s what she said!”

Mum: “Who is this ‘she’, and why did she say it?”

(My brother launches into the explanation of the joke, and my mother looks quite shocked. Four hours later…)

Me: *complaining about an assignment* ‘It’s so long, and it’s going to take forever to do!”

Mum: *from two rooms away, screaming excitedly* “THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!”

When Spooning Turns Bad, Part 2

| UK | Romantic | October 11, 2012

(My boyfriend and I are miles apart while he’s in a sports tournament. We Skype everyday to make up for the lost time. It is in the early hours of the morning; he is very sleepy and has a habit of talking in third person when he’s tired. He has his laptop on his bed while he lays on his side next to it.)

Boyfriend: *in the third person* “[His name] misses his boyfriend!”

Me: “Aw, babe, miss you too!”

Boyfriend: “[His name] doesn’t think he will be able to get to sleep. Why can’t you be here? We could cuddle!”

Me: *laughs* “You’ll be home in a few days, we’ll make up for it then?”

Boyfriend: *face lights up* “I have an idea!”

(He turns the laptop around so it’s facing away from him, and puts it on its side. He then wraps his arm around the laptop.)

Boyfriend: “Ha! It’s like we’re spooning!” *pause* “That was very lame, wasn’t it? I’m sorry.”

Me: “Yes, but don’t be sorry! It was also the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. So you are forgiven!”

Boyfriend: “Yay!” *laptop moves a little* “You can’t see, but I’m doing a victory dance!”


Interrupting The Girl, Interrupted

| Paris, France | Romantic | October 11, 2012

(My friend and I are 25 years old. Two teenage boys are trying to get the attention of a girl a bit younger than them. They are a bit aggressive, and do not appear very friendly.)

Boy 1: “Hey!”

Boy 2: “Yo!”

Girl: *tries to ignore them*

Boy 1: “Hey, you’re hot!”

Boy 2: “You’re listening? We think you’re hot!”

Girl: *turns away slightly, visibly scared*

Boy 1: “Yo! You could answer!”

Boy 2: “What’s your problem? You don’t like us?”

(My friend and I exchange a meaningful glance. We stand up, get behind the kids, and smack them on their heads. They turn around. We’re over a head taller than each of them.)

Boy 2: *to my friend and me* “What the h***!?”

My Friend: “She’s not interested.”

Both Boys: *walk away*

Girls: *smiles, relaxes and sheds a tear*

Two Timing In Two Seconds

, | Norwich, UK | Romantic | October 11, 2012

(My friend’s friend has been trying to get my attention for around four months. I can offer no excuses for myself aside from that I cannot take hints. We are out with friends at a rock club, and our mutual friend had told me at the beginning of the evening that his friend is going to ask me out. Five hours later, though, nothing has happened. It is 3 am and we have left the club, I see him walking up the road so I chase him.)

Me: “Hey! Uh, so… how was your day?”

Him: “It was okay.”

Me: “Anything exciting happen?”

Him: “I had a fry-up.” *thinks for a second* “It was a good fry-up.”

Me: “Uhm…”

Him: “Also, [mutual friend] said that he’d break my legs if I didn’t ask you out.”

Me: “Well. I guess you’d better get on with it then.”

Him: “Do… you want to go out sometime?”

Me: “That’d be great. Yes.”

(I take his arm and we continue up the street.)

Him: “Well, that was easier than I thought.”

(At this point, another of our friends, who is very, very drunk, runs up and grabs my now-boyfriend’s other arm.)

Drunk friend: “Oi! I want an arm! I love you [boyfriend’s name]!”

Him: “Hey, [drunk friend’s name]! Wanna go out sometime?”

Drunk friend: “Yeah man! I love you!”

Him: “See! So much easier than I thought! Who else can I ask?”

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