Archive for 2012

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Colorful Comments Can Get You Burned

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Right | October 11, 2012

(A customer in maybe her late 40s or early 50s walks up to the counter while she waits for her drink.)

Customer: “Oh honey, are you okay?”

Me: “Well, yeah…why?”

Customer: “Your skin… it’s so pale!”

Me: “Oh, I’m just naturally very fair-skinned. Whole family is.”

Customer: “But sweetie, you look awful.”

Me: “…I’m sorry?”

Customer: “You look just AWFUL! So sickly.”

Me: “Well, thank you for your concern, but I feel just fine.”

Customer: “No, really, you look TERRIBLE!”

Me: “Gee, thanks.”

Customer: “What?! I’m just trying to be helpful! You should really see a doctor about that skin of yours, you just look horrible!” *takes her drink and leaves*

Me: “Uh… what just happened?”

(At this point, another younger, female customer speaks up.)

Another Customer: “Some giant piece of old burnt toast trying to reclaim her long lost youth.”

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A Bounty Of Advice Puts A Bounce In Your Step

| Illinois, USA | Right | October 11, 2012

(An elderly male customer comes up to me at work and shows me his shopping list.)

Customer: “Do you carry these dryer sheets?”

(He shows me the list, which reads “Bounty sheets.”)

Me: “Sir, Bounty doesn’t make dryer sheets. I think you mean Bounce.”

Customer: “My wife wrote it.”

Me: “Well, I’m sure she just made a mistake.” *I show him our selection of dryer sheets* “As you can see, we don’t carry Bounty. I’m sure she meant Bounce.”

Customer: “Do you think another store would have them?”

Me: “No, sir, I promise you it would be a wasted trip. Bounty doesn’t make dryer sheets. They only do paper towels and napkins. My best guess is that your wife meant Bounce.”

Customer: “Okay, but if she yells at me, I’m blaming you.”

Me: *laughing* “Go right ahead.”

(The customer buys Bounce. I see him a week later.)

Customer: “You were right about the dryer sheets! Thanks for making me look smart!”

(I made a new best friend that day!)

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Try Targ-ET Or Alf-bertsons

| Massachusetts, USA | Right | October 11, 2012

(I am working late at night at a small, family-owned store when a customer comes in.)

Customer: “Hey, do you have any aliens in here?”

Me: “Yeah, we have these alien action figures…”

(I bring her over to where they are.)

Customer: “No, I want a live alien, like, in a cage. You have those here right?”

Me: “…No.”

Customer: *completely serious* “Then do you have any aliens that are petrified in some kind of goo?”

Me: “No, we don’t carry anything like that here. Maybe you should try the internet?”

Customer: “Oh! Great idea. Thanks so much!”

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Don’t Be A-Gas-t, Just Being Help-Fuel

| Robeline, Louisiana, USA | Right | October 11, 2012

(It’s around closing time and two customers walk in. One is a regular and the other is a frazzled looking woman who is talking to herself while digging in her wallet.)

Woman: *mutters to herself* “No money, but I need gas. I wouldn’t worry, but the fuel light is flashing…”

(She glances my way and I notice that she’s on the verge of tears.)

Me: “Ma’am? Can I help you?”

Woman: “I really need gas but this is all I have.” *opens her hand to reveal $0.42*

Me: “I know how that is. Tell you what… why don’t you go pump $5 and I’ll pay for it, okay?”

Woman: *wide-eyed* “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes, I’m sure. Go ahead, I’ve got it.”

(The woman walks out looking less distressed. However, the regular gives me a stern frown.)

Me: “What?”

Regular: “Why’d you do that?”

Me: “Because I could only afford to let her get $5. If I wasn’t broke right now, I would have told her to go for $20.”

Regular: “No, why did you let her get gas on your dime? She could have been lying for all you know!”

Me: “She looked lost as a goose and terrified. I doubt she was lying. Even if she was, it’s my money, not yours.”

Regular: “Hmph!” *pays for his items and leaves*

(As for the woman, she actually came back in the store, wanting my address to send me the money but I insisted it was fine!)

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I Hate Random Emails

| Working | October 11, 2012

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