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Oiled Cuddles

| WI, USA | Romantic | October 12, 2012

(My boyfriend and I are texting about a movie we’re going to see in about 5 days.)

Boyfriend: “What show times are there?”

Me: “I don’t think the times will be out yet.”

Boyfriend: “Curses!”

Me: “Foiled again!”

Boyfriend: “Oiled again!”

Me: “Soiled again!”

Boyfriend: “Spoiled again!”

Me: “Coiled again!”

Boyfriend: “Toiled again!”

Me: “Boiled again!”

Boyfriend: “Roiled again!”

Me: “Broiled again!”

Boyfriend: “Doiled again!”

Me: “Recoiled again!”

Boyfriend: “Unfoiled again!”

Me: “Charbroiled again!”

Boyfriend: “Embroiled again!”

Me: “Loyaled again!”

Boyfriend: “Royaled again!”

Me: “That was my next one!”

Boyfriend: “Extra cuddles?”

Me: “Okay!”

Land Of 1,000 Dances

| Romantic | October 12, 2012

I Know Crazy

| Right | October 11, 2012

Sticking It To Sticklers For Stickers

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | Right | October 11, 2012

(I’m a supermarket cashier and have 5 minutes left on my shift. I therefore put my “Closed” sign up as I finish with my current customers. However, a customer walks right past the sign and starts putting his items on the belt. Seeing as he only has a few items, I let it slide and serve him.)

Me: “How are you today, sir?”

Customer: “Fine…”

Me: *begins ringing up his items*

Customer: “Hey, my bread is supposed to be 50% off! It rang up full price!”

(The customer shows me the pink “Reduction” sticker our store uses to discount certain items. This sticker was on the bottom of his bread.)

Me: “Oh! No worries, sir. It’s an easy fix! Sorry about that.”

(I proceed to void the bread, hit the “Reduction” key on my register, and then scan the bread again.)

Customer: “How can you be a cashier if you’re going to miss obvious things like that! You shouldn’t be in the customer service industry if you’re going to be friggin’ oblivious! Gah, this is why I hate this store!”

Me: “Sir… I’m only human. Human beings make mistakes and miss things sometimes, just like you missed my closed sign when you walked up to my cash. I, however, didn’t bother calling you out on it. Your total is $11.03.”

Customer: *sheepishly looks at my sign* “…Debit.”

Me: *big smile* “Have a WONDERFUL evening, sir.”

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Drunkenness Can Give Birth To Wordlessness

| California, USA | Right | October 11, 2012

(A husband and wife are staying at our hotel because they are visiting the wife’s father, whose own wife is giving birth. One evening, the husband and father-in-law come stumbling into our front office.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Husband: “Quick, I need… um…” *turns to father-in-law* “What’s the word…”

Father-In-Law: *shrugs*

(The husband says the word several times in another language. My coworker hears this and approaches.)

Coworker: *to me* “I got it.”

(My coworker speaks to them in the language they were speaking. She then nods, calls them a taxi, and enters a note on their account for the manager.)

Me: “What was that about?”

Coworker: “Well, you know how he and his wife were here to celebrate with her dad?”

Me: “Yes?”

Coworker: “Yeah, well, since his wife is pregnant and can’t drink, he and his father-in-law were in the hotel bar alone. The father-in-law wanted to tell him he was ordering traditional Irish baby gifts when they got a call that his wife had gone into labor.”

Me: “Oh wow! That’s great! Wait… what was he confused about, then?”

Coworker: “Oh, they were too drunk to remember the English words for ‘hospital’ and ‘taxi’.”

Me: “I’m so glad you weren’t on your lunch break!”

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