Archive for 2012

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Angelina Jolie’s Gun

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Related | October 12, 2012

(My 12-year-old brother and I are talking about a Nerf gun he wants to get.)

Brother: “So, you can take it apart and put it back together in other forms. Like, this one here is ‘Salt Rifle’ form.”

Me: “Salt Rifle?”

Brother: “Yeah, that’s what it’s called. I don’t know why…”

School Is Use-less

| Northern Ireland | Related | October 12, 2012

(I am about 5 years old and have recently started school.)

Me: “There’s a sign in the school toilets that says ‘wash hands after use’.”

(I pronounce ‘use’ the wrong way.)

Mum: “No, in that sentence you would say use.” *pronouncing it the correct way*

Me: “No, Mummy. It’s been a long time since you were at school, and you’re bound to have forgotten some things.”

Rage Against The Machine

| Buenos Aires, Argentina | Related | October 12, 2012

(I’m at home with my mom and my younger sister. My sister is in her bedroom with the door locked. Suddenly, my mom and I hear her screaming.)

Sister: “You idiot! I hate you, what a piece of s*** you are! I never should have compromised with you! You told me yesterday was the first time that it happened to you, and you know what? I know you’re lying!

(We hear a loud bang, so I go check on her. When I enter the room, I see her with her forehead against the computer monitor, while she keeps yelling obscenities.)

Me: “What’s happening? Are you talking to your boyfriend?”

Sister: “No…” *bangs her forehead against the monitor repeatedly*

Me: “Then, why are you yelling?!”

Sister: “The computer keeps freezing!”

You Like Him, He-lix You

| Silver Springs, MD, USA | Romantic | October 12, 2012

(I am in my boyfriend’s room, cuddling happily with him.)

Boyfriend: *kissing body parts as he names them* “I like your hair, your eyes, your shoulder, your fingers, your lips.”

Me: “I like your DNA, because it gives the instructions for synthesizing the proteins that make you amazing.”

Boyfriend: *awestruck* “That is the most romantic thing you have ever said to me.”

Think Before You Ink

, | CA, USA | Romantic | October 12, 2012

(A customer is staring at me.)

Customer: “You have pretty eyes.”

Me: “Oh, thanks!”

Customer: “Is it weird, now?”

Me: “What? No.”

Customer: “I work across the street, you should come visit me.” *across the street is a cash for gold place*

Me: *trying to be polite* “Oh, okay.”

Customer: “Yeah, you should come by and get a tattoo.” *across the street is also a smoke shop that does tattoos and piercings*

Me: “Oh, uh…”

Customer: “You should come by and get a tattoo of my name across your shoulder.”

Me: “I don’t think my boyfriend would appreciate that.”

Customer: “Oh, he’s the possessive type, huh?” *raises eyebrows*

Me: “We’ll, no, but—”

(Thankfully another customer comes in. It saves me from the awkwardness of explaining why it’s inappropriate to ask someone you met 20 seconds ago to get a tattoo of your name!)

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