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Drenched In Just Desserts

| Falkirk, Scotland, UK | Related | October 13, 2012

(I’m 11 years old, and coming home from school. I enter the garden to see my bedroom window—the one above the front door—wide open. Thinking nothing of it, I go to the door and find it locked. I immediately hear some muffled giggling.)

Me: “Hey, is anyone there?”

Dad: “Yeah, give me a minute!”

(All of a sudden, a bucketful of water falls from the window right in front of me. I get only my shoes wet, prompting a loud swear from my dad and his friend, who had been sitting there for twenty minutes. The next day, I meet my dad and his second friend as I’m getting home. As he gets to the door, I’m locking the gate. My Dad finds the door locked, leading to him getting doused in water from
the same window by the friend from the day before.)

Dad: *turning to me* “Not. A. Word.”

Inappropriate Puppy Love

| ON, Canada | Romantic | October 13, 2012

(My boyfriend has just gotten home from a very long and tedious, and is very tired. We are chatting on skype.)

Me: “Aw!” *smiles at a link to a picture he sends me*

Boyfriend: “Have I mentioned that I like it when you smile?”

Me: “Yes, quite often.”

Boyfriend: “You have the kind of smile that cures puppies of cancer.”

(I stare blankly)

Boyfriend: “…and this is my brain after 12 hours of work.”

That’s (Un)Helpful

| Right | October 12, 2012

Those Shorts. My Eyes!

| Right | October 12, 2012

Hair Unapparent For This Fair Parent

| Eustis, FL, USA | Right | October 12, 2012

(Note: Customer #1 is a well-known regular in her late twenties who has been coming to our store since before her son could walk. She usually sports funky hair while her son is in elementary school and likes talking to the employees. On this day, Customer #1 seems to be in pain but we’re talking as I scan her items while her son is joking about school with the bagger. Another customer, Customer #2, is waiting impatiently.)

Customer #2: “Will you all stop talking and hurry up?”

Me: “I apologize, ma’am, but this lady has quite a few items. As you can see, we’re both working as well as talking. If you don’t want to wait, you can take your things to the customer service desk where they’ll be happy to help you.”

Bagger: *to Customer #1* “Do you need help out today?”

Customer #1: “Yes, please, and thank you.”

Customer #2: “What the heck?! Why are you being so d*** lazy? Other people need help out. Do it yourself.”

Me: “There are other baggers who will happily come over and help you if you need, ma’am.”

Customer #2: *to Customer #1* “You young people are so d*** lazy these days. You probably stay home and paint your hair all those ridiculous colors. I bet you’ve never even worked a day in your life. What the h*** kind of example are you setting for your kid?”

Customer #1: “Not that it’s really your business, but you’re wrong. I worked for [local city] before my son was born. I worked at a [local gas station] until the fact that I have [chronic illness 1] and [chronic illness 2] meant I was in too much pain. I’m having a very rough day today and wouldn’t have come out if I didn’t have to pick up my medication and food. [Son] isn’t strong enough to help with the heavy things, so I’m accepting the bagger’s offer to do so.”

Customer #2: “Well, I, uh…”

Customer #1’s Son: “You’re a mean lady, and I shouldn’t act like you!”

Customer #1: “…And that’s the example I set for my son. I hope you learned something too!”

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