Archive for 2012

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Put A Cork In It

| Newcastle, England, UK | Right | October 14, 2012

(A customer has just ordered a large glass of wine. She returns to me at the bar having drunk a good two-thirds of the glass.)

Me: “Hello, madam, is there a problem?”

Customer: “This wine is corked.”

Me: “Excuse me, madam?”

Customer: *points to glass* “This wine is corked. See?”

(I look at the glass and there is a small white object in her drink. I take the glass from her and see that its actually a piece of beer mat.)

Me: “I’m sorry, madam, but this wine isn’t corked. ‘Corking’ is a term used when the structure of the cork, on a molecular level, has allowed oxygen into the wine bottle before it has been opened and turned it sour or unpleasant. This glass has just got a piece of cork in it. In all honesty, madam, that just looks like a small piece of beer mat, not cork. Are you wanting to make a complaint?”

Customer: “That’s what I meant. The wine is a bit sour. It’s not very nice. It must have gone off, like you said, because the cork has let some air into it.”

Me: “Would you like to point out which wine you purchased madam?”

Customer: *points to bottle* “That one.”

Me: “Are you sure, madam?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “That brand of wine is a screw-top, madam.”

(The customer just stands there for a few seconds, then turns around and returns to her table. Five minutes later, her and her partner leave.)

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Casting An Extra Super Duper Ginormously Wide Net, Part 2

| Toronto, Canada | Right | October 14, 2012

Me: “Thank you for calling [college]. How can I direct your call?”

Caller: “Hi, I’m looking for a student.”

Me: “Certainly. Do you have the student’s name?”

Caller: “I met them at an event at our church and wanted to talk to them about what they’re studying.”

Me: “That seems quite reasonable. If you give me their name, I can either route your call to their dorm room, or leave them a message in their student mailbox.”

Caller: “Well, I didn’t catch their name. Are there a lot of students there? Could I describe them to you?”

Me: “We have about 1400 students, but I do know most of them in dorm, so we can give it a try.”

Caller: “Okay. They’re Asian.”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but roughly half of our student population is of Chinese descent. I’m afraid that doesn’t really narrow it down much.”

Caller: “Oh. They’re male?”

Me: “Sorry, that’s still a large percentage of our student body.”

Caller: “They’re studying the Bible.”

Me: “This is a Bible college, so I’m afraid that doesn’t narrow it down at all.”

Caller: “Is there a way that you could just announce over a speaker or something, that someone is looking to speak with a student that was at [church name] this past Sunday?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I’m sorry. I can’t interrupt classes to do that.”

Caller: “Oh, okay.” *click*

Casting An Extra Super Duper Ginormously Wide Net

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Weekly Roundup: Heartwarming Stories

, | Not Always Right | Right | October 14, 2012

Heartwarming Stories! We feature a lot of stories about bad customers, but these amazing customers will restore your faith in humanity!

  1. No Pranks, Just Thanks (12,785 thumbs up)
    A librarian overhears an uplifting conversation between an autistic child and an extremely caring caretaker!
  2. BOGO: Buy One Give One (4,567 thumbs up)
    An employee gets an unexpected surprise from a BOGO deal and a generous customer.
  3. How To Make An Employee’s Day (1,687 thumbs up)
    A call center worker reveals just how little it takes to make her day!
  4. We Love To See You Smile (2,564 thumbs up)
    An older customer “draws” a smile out of a weary grocery store clerk.
  5. Alls Well That Bookends Well (3,945 thumbs up)
    Two former teenage thieves set things right for a bookstore while setting a good example for their child!

PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

Thoughtlessly Thoughtful

| Anaheim, CA, USA | Working | October 14, 2012

(I’m getting ready to close out while my relief has just arrived for her shift. She’s just staring blankly out the glass double doors at the street outside the building while I’m trying to work around her.)

Me: “Hey, you all right? You look lost in thought.”

Coworker: “Nah, I’m just thinkin’…”

Testy Is Not The Best Policy

| USA | Working | October 14, 2012

(I work as a claims agent for a well-known insurance company. When people switch insurance companies and happen to have an accident within the first month of their new policy, it’s standard practice to contact their old company to verify coverages as a way to prevent fraud. Note: insurance companies protect your policy privacy like banks protect your account privacy, so no information can be released to anyone unless permission is given by the main account holder. After being transferred several times, I finally get to speak with the right person.)

Me: “Hello, this is [my name] calling from—”

Insurance Agent: “I know, they told me why you’re calling. I can’t talk to you.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Insurance Agent: “I. Can’t. Talk. To. You.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I—”

Insurance Agent: “Look, I don’t know how you guys do it at [my company], but here, we can’t talk to you guys about customers’ policies. I don’t know why you thought you could call in to get that information, or why you’re confused as to why I can’t release it.”

Me: *stays silent*

Insurance Agent: “Hello?”

Me: “Sorry, I just wanted to make sure you got your rudeness out of the way before I conference in the customer on my back line. He used to have a policy with you guys, and he recently switched to our company. He’s been patiently waiting to speak with you so we can verify the information we need in order to take care of him.”

Insurance Agent: *speechless*

Me: “Also, I’ll be needing your direct extension at the end of our call. I’ll be contacting you on my break so you can personally cancel the homeowner’s policy I have through your company. Your attitude has inspired me to take my own business elsewhere. Please wait while I conference in [customer]…”

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