Archive for 2012

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It’s Not Exactly Brain Surgery

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Related | October 16, 2012

(My mother has just been in hospital, and still has a drain for her wound. A nurse from the hospital comes daily to check the drain. and if and when appropriate, will remove it. My 4-year-old daughter has been listening.)

Daughter: “Grandma, are they here to take your brain out now?”

Pretty Bad Behavior

| MN, USA | Related | October 16, 2012

(I am playing a game with a little girl, when a five-year-old boy comes up to me with another game.)

Boy: “Will you play this with me?”

Me: “I’m playing this game with [little girl] right now, but as soon as I’m done I’ll play that one with you, okay?

Boy: “You’re pretty.”

Me: “Thanks, but you’re still going to have to wait until I’m done. Nice try though.”

Boy: “Aw. That always works when Daddy says it!”

(We had a chat with his father about role-modelling healthy, non-manipulative behavior.)

The Holy Grail Of Comedy

| MI, USA | Related | October 16, 2012

(I finally show my mom ‘Monty Python’s Holy Grail’. She seems confused by the jokes, and really didn’t like the movie at all. I am disappointed, but don’t think much of it because I know it isn’t her kind of humor. It is about a week later, and we’re driving on the freeway.)

Mom: *out of nowhere* “Ni!”

Me: *not paying attention* “Excuse me?”

Mom: “NI!”

Me: *thinking I must have misheard her* “Did…did you just say ‘Ni’?”

Mom: *proudly* “Yes! I saw a shrubbery! Right by the side of the road! So I say to you, NI!”

I Got A Girlfriend

| Related | October 16, 2012

Dropped The Ball (And Wallet) On This One

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Romantic | October 16, 2012

(The centre I work at has a rather large play area that includes a jumping castle and ball pit. I’m the only one supervising the play area, since it is quiet. A customer comes in and heads straight for me.)

Customer: “You! You work here?”

Me: “Yes I do, sir. What can I do for you?”

Customer: “I lost my d*** wallet here, where is it?”

Me: “Let me just check behind the counter for you.”

(I check and nothing has been handed in. This isn’t too unusual, since none of the staff have checked the equipment yet for lost property.)

Me: “Okay, there’s nothing back here. How about we look in the ball pit? Things tend to end up in there.”

Customer: “I don’t go in there! You’ve lost my wallet you b****! I’ll f****** sue you!”

Me: “Let’s just check before any lawyers get involved, maybe your child took it in by
mistake.”

Customer: “Now you’re accusing my son of stealing!? F*** you!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but can you please watch the language? There are children around.”

(I climb into the ball pit and search around. Sure enough, I find the customer’s wallet and hold it up so he can see.)

Customer: “D*** it!”

(He grabs it out of my hand and leaves. I think that is the last I will see of him, but two weeks later I’m sweeping up, and he approaches me again.)

Customer: “Hi, you’re the girl that found my wallet. They told me you’d be working today.”

Me: “Oh, hello again. Was there something missing?”

Customer: “No, no. I just wanted to apologise for being an a**. See, I was just panicking because I was trying to buy a ring for my girlfriend and I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.”

Me: “It’s perfectly fine, did you ask her yet?”

Customer: *huge smile* “Yes! She said yes! She loved the ring, I don’t know what I would’ve done if it wasn’t for you!”

(He pulls out his wallet and gives me a $40 tip. I try telling him that it was too much, but he insists. First time I’ve ever been tipped on the job.)

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