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Not Impressed With The Need To Dress

| Fargo, ND, USA | Related | October 17, 2012

(My mom and my 3-year-old son are having a conversation. My mom has just gone downstairs to throw in some laundry and when she comes back up; she finds my son completely stripped down to nothing.)

Grandma: “Baby, why are you naked?”

Son: “Cause I like being naked, Grandma!” *he does a little hip shimmy*

Grandma: “Well, you have to put your clothes back on!”

Son: “Why?”

(At this time, my mom looks out the window and sees the stray cat that she feeds outside. My son has affectionately named him ‘Honey’, and loves to pet him whenever he comes around.)

Grandma: “Because Honey is outside, and you can’t go pet him if you’re not wearing any clothes!”

Son: “Why can’t I go outside naked?”

Grandma: “Because the cops will come!”

Son: *starts running around the house, singing* “BREAKING THE LAW!
BREAKING THE LAW!”

(At this point I don’t if I should be upset he wouldn’t get dressed, or proud that at the age of 3 he knew the lyrics of a ‘Judas Priest’ song.)

Tiger Tiger, Spraying Bright

| NC, USA | Related | October 17, 2012

(A bunch of my family decide to go to the zoo. I end up with my cousin and his father in front of the tiger exhibit. It’s one of the ones that aren’t glassed off, it has a metal fence similar to chain link. When I walk up, my Uncle decides it would be a good idea to tease the tigers.)

Uncle: *makes goofy growling noises while flailing his arms*

Me: “Uh, I don’t think you should be doing that. That tiger looks pretty annoyed.”

Uncle: “I just want to get their attention so I can get a good picture. It’s fine, kids do this to them all the time, they’re used to it.”

(He continues to act like a 2 year old on espresso.)

Me: “Right. Okay, well when the tiger decides to eat you, I don’t know you, and you aren’t related to me.”

(The tiger gets tired of the annoying human, and approaches the fence. The tiger turns around, lifts up it’s tail, and sprays, covering my uncle from head to almost his knees.)

Uncle: *yelling obscenities and flailing for a new reason*

Me: *laughing* “Told you that was a bad idea!”

The Show Must Go On, And Prosper

| New Zealand | Related | October 17, 2012

(My brother and I have recently become the new tech operators for our amateur theatre club. We’re referred to by others as the techies, but we prefer the term ‘trekkies’.)

Director: *to a patron in the theatre* “I have to introduce you to our new techies! They’re a bit geeky.”

(Immediately, my brother and I simultaneously, and without consulting each other, both offer a Vulcan Salute.)

Don’t Make Me Get My Belt

| Related | October 17, 2012

A Bit Too Home Brewed

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Romantic | October 17, 2012

(My boyfriend and I are snuggled on the couch, watching TV. I need to use the bathroom, and figure as long as I’m getting up I may as well go to the kitchen for refreshments as well.)

Me: “Hey, I’m gonna go pee. You want a cuppa tea?”

Boyfriend: *raising one eyebrow* “…not if that’s how you’re making it.”

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