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A Bit Too Home Brewed

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Romantic | October 17, 2012

(My boyfriend and I are snuggled on the couch, watching TV. I need to use the bathroom, and figure as long as I’m getting up I may as well go to the kitchen for refreshments as well.)

Me: “Hey, I’m gonna go pee. You want a cuppa tea?”

Boyfriend: *raising one eyebrow* “…not if that’s how you’re making it.”

Better Have A Big Fat Awesome Apology

| Tuscaloosa, AL, USA | Romantic | October 17, 2012

(My boyfriend and I are walking out of the restaurant after eating dinner. I go to kiss him and he pokes me in the side.)

Boyfriend: *poke*

Me: “Don’t do that!”

Boyfriend: *poke*

Me: “Stop poking my fat!”

Boyfriend: “It’s not fat, it’s concentrated awesome!”


Murder, He Wrote, Part 2

| Memphis, TN, USA | Romantic | October 17, 2012

(My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship, and text each other almost constantly to keep close.)

Boyfriend: “You’re petty.”

Me: “…I guess a little… sometimes… sorry?”

Boyfriend: “PRETTY! I meant pretty! Stupid swype!”


Real Friends

| Romantic | October 17, 2012

There’s Something In Those Poppy Seeds

, | NYC, NY, USA | Right | October 16, 2012

(My boss is known for being very strict, and demanding ‘good customer relations.’ He reprimands us if we say things that he thinks are ‘unprofessional,’ which has forced us to be very formal with everyone who comes into the shop. Today, he’s running late.)

Customer: “Can I get a toasted everything bagel, and-” *turns to daughter* “What do you want?”

Customer’s daughter: *about eight years old* “Poppy seeds and cream cheese!”

Customer: “…and a poppy seed bagel with cream cheese.”

Co-worker: “Sure, here’s your poppy seed. Just give me a minute to toast the everything.”

Customer’s daughter: *after a few seconds* “Mommy.”

Customer: “We’re almost ready to go, dear, mommy just needs her bagel too.”

Customer’s daughter: “Mommy…I dropped my bagel and the cream cheese is dirty.”

Co-worker: “Don’t worry about it. Here’s a new one for free.”

Customer’s daughter: *very excited* “BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL!”

Customer: “Bagel bagel bagel bagel!”

Me: *handing the customer her bagel* “Here’s your BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL!”

Coworker: *joining in* “BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL!”

(Suddenly, my boss walks in the door. My coworker, the customer, and I all shut up and look embarrassed. The daughter doesn’t stop.)

Customer’s daughter: “BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL!”

Boss: “When in Rome. BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL!”

All three of us: “BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL!”

(My boss is still serious, but whenever that customer comes in, he starts screaming ‘BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL’ over and over again!)

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