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Pray It’s Not iMaps

| UK | Related | October 19, 2012

(I realise that my five-year-old daughter is being suspiciously quiet. I find her sitting in an armchair, staring into space.)

Me: “Are you okay over there?”

Daughter: “Fine, I’m just downloading something into my brain.”

Like Father, Like Son Part 2

| Related | October 19, 2012

He’s Brone-y Cold

| Memphis, TN, USA | Romantic | October 19, 2012

(I’m an huge fangirl of a children’s show that has become popular with adult men. My boyfriend watches it with me, though mostly jokes about how corny it is. We are currently watching the season 2 finale.)

Boyfriend: “Thank God this is almost over.”

Me: “I just want season three to come out.”

Character on TV: “My love will give you strength!”

Boyfriend: “How sweet!”

(Simultaneously:)

Me: “How corny!”

(We both look at each other.)

Boyfriend: “I think we got that reversed.”

Me: “You’re just a closeted fanboy!”

My Knight In Shining Llama

| London, England, UK | Romantic | October 19, 2012

(A few friends, including a girl I like, and I are watching ‘The Emperor’s New Groove’. We have just got to the part where the Emperor has been turned into a llama by the evil witch.)

Girl I like: “Oh he looks so cute! I wish llama’s were real animals.”

(There is an extended moment of silence.)

Friend: “What?”

Girl I like: “I’m just saying, llamas look so cute. I wish they were real animals so I could see one.”

Friend: “Oh, my God. You’re being serious, aren’t you?”

(At this point, all my friends laugh and start teasing her about not knowing that llama’s are real animals. She starts to get upset by the taunting.)

Me: “Hey, shut up guys!” *I start singling out particular friends* “I know for sure that you thought that ‘dinero’ was the name of Spanish money. And I know that you thought that ‘dolphin friendly tuna’ meant that they put the dolphins to sleep before turning them into tuna. So as far as I can see you’re all idiots.”

(Everyone shut up at this point and finished the movie. The girl thanked me afterwards and we started dating soon after. On one of our earliest dates, I took her to a petting farm where they had – yes – llamas! She still thinks they are cute.)

You’ll Need A Rock For The Occasion

| PA, USA | Romantic | October 19, 2012

(Two friends of ours are getting married, and my boyfriend and I are sitting in one of the pews, chatting before the ceremony begins. We watch wrestling every once in a while as it’s something we both enjoyed heavily in our early childhoods.)

Me: “We should have a WWE-themed wedding.”

Boyfriend: *grins* “And before you walk down the aisle, fireworks will shoot out.”

Me: “And pyro. And I’ll have my theme song playing through the speakers while I run down the aisle and high-five everyone and flex my muscles.”

Boyfriend: “And your dress can be the Hulk Hogan colors, red and yellow.”

Me: “And the guests will wear Lucha Libre masks.”

Boyfriend: “The bridesmaids can wear Lucha Libre masks. And everyone in the wedding gets their own theme song. My dad can come out to ‘Stone Cold’ Steve Austin’s theme.”

Me: “We’re going to have to rent out an arena for our wedding. So we can get married in the ring.”

Boyfriend: “Yes! And the minister will be a referee. A microphone can come down from the ceiling and he’ll be all like…” *clears throat* “Let’s get ready for wedlock!”

Me: “Instead of wedding bands, we’ll have [friend] make us championship belts.”

(Note: there’s a friend of my side of the family who’s a goldsmith.)

Boyfriend: “Definitely. And instead of kissing, we’ll just tag each other in and the referee will hold up our arms as they sound the bell.”

(We’re both sitting there trying to muffle our giggles, because it has gotten quiet in the church.)

Boyfriend: *hushed* “I love you.”

Me: *whispers* “We’re awesome.”

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