(It is a Wednesday. My brother is watching a football match on TV. I notice him popping the tab on a can.)
Me: “Is that alcohol?”
Brother: *gestures at the TV with the can* “Football.”
Me: “That’s not an answer.”
Brother: “Yeeeaah, it is…”
(A kid who I barely know from high school comes into the store where I work.)
Kid: “Hey, [my name], give me something free!”
Me: “No. Did you actually want to order something?”
Kid: “Depends. Can I at least have a discount?”
Me: “No.”
(The kid then proceeds to reach his hand inside the display case where the cookies are held. I notice this and shove the cookie tray against the case, causing his hand to be trapped.)
Me: “Take your hand out of there and leave before I call the cops.”
Kid: “But it’s stuck!”
Me: “I don’t care. Get your hand out now!”
(He pulls his hand out and ends up leaving with out ordering anything. Thankfully, he was never seen at our store again.)
(I’m answering the main line at a busy newspaper on a Saturday.)
Me: “[Newspaper], this is [name].”
Caller: “Yeah, it’s dark out.”
Me: “…Okay?”
Caller: “Yeah, it’s… what time is it?”
Me: “It’s 10:12 p.m., sir.”
Caller: “Yeah, it’s 10:12 p.m. and I still haven’t gotten my Sunday paper.”
Me: “Sir, it’s 10:12 p.m. on Saturday. We’re still making the Sunday paper.”
Caller: “But I haven’t gotten my Sunday paper!”
Me: “Yes, sir, I understand. That’s because it’s Saturday. Your Sunday paper will be delivered as usual in the morning.”
Caller: “But it hasn’t arrived yet!”
Me: “It’s still Saturday night. The Sunday edition will arrive Sunday morning.”
Caller: “I haven’t gotten… oh, wait. It’s Saturday?”
Me: “Yes, sir.”
Caller: “Oh. Well, then… I’ve been working nights. I’m very confused about things now. I just knew it was dark.”
Me: “Not a problem, sir.”
Caller: “This never happened.”
Me: “Deal.”
(I work at the fitting room of a large retail store. I’m folding some shirts as a little girl and her mother walk by.)
Little Girl: “Mommy, this store has no ambiance.”
Mother: “No, it doesn’t.”
Little Girl: “I want AMBIANCE!”
Mother: *ignores her*
Little Girl: “AMBIANCE! AMBIANCE! AMBIANCE!”
(The little girl kept screaming all the way out the store!)
(Walking out to grab some carts, I see a customer with a valid temporary disability sticker park his large truck across both of our designated slots. He’s still in his truck when I approach him.)
Me: “Sir, I just wanted to let you know that you are parked in both of our slots.”
Customer: “So what?! I’m handicapped and need a spot. You can’t tell me that I can’t park here.”
Me: “Sir, I am just saying that you are in both spots and if another disabled person were to come by, they would not be able to get a wheelchair out of their vehicle.”
Customer: “Well f*** them, and f*** you, too!”
(He immediately restarts his truck, backs up, and parks as completely through both spots as possible.)
Me: “Sir, don’t you think you may be going a little to far with this?”
Customer: “I told you to go f*** yourself!”
(He got out of his truck and I saw that his disability was a broken wrist. The cops at the other end of the lot had a little pink present for him when he came back out of the store, though.)
