Me: “Thank you for calling [Company] DSL tech support. How can I help you?”

Customer: “My modem bit me.”

Me: “It… bit you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I went to turn it off and it bit me. And now it’s staring at me every time I try to get back in the room.”

(The modem has two red lights on the front that are lit solid when everything is working properly. The customer also sounds like they’re not exactly sober, so I decide that giving them a logical response won’t be much help to them.)

Me: “All right, what you should do is turn the light on in the room, close the door, and go to bed. The modem will stay up all night trying to get to you, but be stuck in the room. By morning it’ll be too exhausted to fight back and you can duct tape it to the desk to keep it in line from now on.”

Customer: “Thank you!” *hangs up*

(The next day, he actually called back to compliment me for solving his problem!)

(Keep in mind that our store keeps records of people who try to trade in or sell defective, illegally copied, or stolen merchandise. One day, a teenage customer comes in with a shoebox filled with about 40 unboxed games for the Nintendo DS.)

Coworker: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “I’d just like to get some cash for these games.”

Coworker: “Alright, I just need to see some ID…”

(My coworker does a quick check and finds that this particular customer is known for having sold us defective and illegally copied games.)

Coworker: “Do all of these games work?”

Customer: *face turns bright red* “Uhh… y-yeah. Yeah, they… they do.”

Coworker: “Are you sure?”

Customer: “Y-yeah.”

Coworker: “Mind if I test this one out?”

(My coworker proceeds to pull out his Nintendo DS. By now, the customer knows he’s been caught and begins shaking.)

Customer: “Y-you know what, never mind. I’m f-f***ing outta here!”

(He left his entire box of games on the counter. Most of them didn’t work, and the ones that did work were obviously copied. We never saw the kid again.)

Ah, someecards, the witty and honest place to find something funny for almost everyone. Check out these e-cards we’ve gathered from our Extras section that we hope you enjoy as much as we do. Don’t forget to Like us on Facebook!

	Worst Part Of My Monday (41 thumbs up)		You’re !@#$ (86 thumbs up)
	What’s It Called? (57 thumbs up)		Learn To Read (88 thumbs up)
	Let Them Sort It Out (154 thumbs up)		No Texting & Parenting (38 thumbs up)

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(I am a twenty-three-year old college student, but I can’t drive for medical reasons. On this particular day, I’ve ridden to the store with a friend to keep her company. She’s paying for groceries while talking to me when the cashier starts up a conversation.)

Cashier: “College students?”

My Friend: “Oh, yeah. We go to [college name]! Did the ramen and energy drinks give it away?”

Cashier: “Heh. Yeah, kind of. Actually, I go to [other college] right now. Sucks to have to drive an hour to get there.”

Me: “Yeah, I kinda get that feeling. I used to have to walk an hour to class before I transferred to [college name].”

Cashier: *confused* “Why didn’t you just drive?”

Me: “I can’t drive, actually.”

Cashier: “You can’t drive?”

Me: “Nuh-uh.”

Cashier: “And you go to college?”

Me: “…Yes?”

Cashier: “You are destined to fail!”

(At this point, my friend and I are just staring at her, speechless.)

Cashier: “What’s wrong with you?! You should just quit school right now. People who can’t drive can’t be a part of society. You absolutely HAVE to have a car to do anything!”

Me: “Er… I’ve… actually never had any problems out of it.”

Cashier: “But you WILL! What if you get a job two hours away?”

Me: “… I move two hours away? I moved two hours away to finish college.”

Cashier: “Do you have a job?”

Me: “I’m a receptionist.”

Cashier: “How do you get to work?!”

Me: “I walk?”

Cashier: “Drop out or learn to drive!”

(As we’re walking out, my friend stops and turns to me.)

My Friend: “I have no idea what just happened, but I think everyone involved is dumber for the experience.”

(We are a college bookstore that sells fetal pigs that biology students must purchase and dissect for their labs. Students usually come in knowing whether they must purchase a male or female pig.)

Student: “Hi, I need to buy a fetal pig.”

Me: “No problem. Male or female?”

Student: “What’s the difference?”