Archive for 2012

Jump to page:

Some Customers Scare The Help Out Of Us

| Chicago, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Politics

(I serve people their orders when they’re ready. If they’re old, a child, or otherwise seemingly unable to carry their tray, I’m required to offer assistance. On this day, an elderly man orders his food.)

Me: “Do you need any help carrying that?”

Elderly Customer: “Do I LOOK like I need help?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I’m required to offer help to people.”

Elderly Customer: “Is this something that Obama is making you do?! D*** socialist!”

Me: “N-no, sir… it’s the policy here.”

Elderly Customer: “Well, I don’t need no d*** assistance!” *storms off with food*

Three Beers To The Wind

| Albuquerque, NM, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

(While working at the convenience store, I notice an older male customer, who is clearly intoxicated, put three single beer cans down his shirt. The shirt is tucked in, so the beers are very obviously hanging out of his shirt. I intercept him as he tries to make his way to the door. Caught red-handed, he drunkenly holds out a handful of cash.)

Customer: “Hey how much do I have?”

Me: “You have three dollars, but you also have three beers down your shirt. Now give them back, please.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: *pokes at a beer can in his shirt* “You have 3 beers down your shirt, and we need those back now.”

Customer: “Oh. Okay.” *hands me two of the beers*

Me: “What about the third beer, man?”

Customer: “What beer?”

(I poke the can under his shirt.)

Me: “This one. We need that one back, too. Now.”

Customer: “Oh, okay…” *hands beer back* “Can I buy some beer now?”

Me: “You just tried to steal from us! H*** no, you can’t buy any beer! Now get out!”

Customer: *meekly leaves*

Some Days Start Off With A Bang

| USA | Bizarre, Wild & Unruly

(A man walks into our police department and approaches the dispatch counter.)

Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

Man: “I was just at a yard sale and brought a nice wood trunk, but when I got it home I looked inside and it was full of dynamite. It looks old and unstable.”

Me: “And where is it now?”

Man: “It’s in the back of my truck.”

Me: “Okay, and where is your truck?”

Man: “Outside in your parking lot!”

(And that is how our police department ended up getting evacuated for three hours. He parked, of all places, next to the supervisor’s brand new personal truck. Thankfully, it was found to be dummy training dynamite!)