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How To Deal With A Customer’s Crap

| Property Management|TX, USA | Right | October 19, 2012

(I am a property manager for a homeowner’s association. I get a call from a homeowner.)

Homeowner: “Yes, I’m calling to tell you that you need to pick up the dirty diaper in my front lawn.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, that’s not what I do.”

Homeowner: “Well, somebody needs to pick it up! Who do you think will pick it up if you don’t?!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s your house. You’re responsible for maintaining your home. I’m not obligated to clean your lawn.”

Homeowner: “Well, then you can rot in H*** along with that diaper!”

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Being The Bigger Man

| Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Right | October 19, 2012

(I am standing in a line for a checkout at a supermarket, when I look over and see a family with two kids in another line. The kids are throwing stuff everywhere, tins, bottles, and jars. The cashier, a young girl, is frantically trying to calm them down. Note: I’m pretty big, about 6’3″ and broad, plus I have a black eye, cut nose and a cut across my lip from a sports match the day before.)

Cashier: *to kids* “Please stop throwing things. Someone’s going to get hurt.”

Father: “How dare you! You people just get off on telling other people what to do! You’re all just fascists, that’s what!”

Cashier: “Look, I’m not trying to tell you what to do, but your kids are going to end up hurting someone, and then it’ll be a big problem for all of us.”

Mother: “Are you threatening us?”

Cashier: *looking shocked and confused* “No! Not at all. I’m just saying that it would be best if you asked your children to stop before someone gets hurt.”

Father: “You’re still making threats! Either you stop with that right now or I swear to God I will give you a big problem! I’m going to make you sorry you were born, unless you shut the f*** up right now!”

(I catch the cashier’s eye, and she looks hopeless. I bend down, pick up a tin thrown by one of the kids and quietly move to just behind the parents.)

Me: “Excuse me.”

(They spin round. The father is not that tall, about 5’10”, so he’s pretty much looking me in the neck. I point at my black eye and battered face.)

Me: “One of your kids just hit me in the face. Is this a problem I should take up with you personally, or should I just call the police?”

(I’m looming over him now, very much invading his personal space.)

Father: “Oh, God, I’m sorry! I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

Me: “I would recommend you apologise to the nice lady who’s been putting up with you for the last 10 minutes without calling the police. It seems she’s had far more to deal with than me!”

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“Chill Out”

| Right | October 19, 2012

I Waited Forever!

| Right | October 19, 2012

Watching Someone’s Patience Dissolve

| Norwich, UK | Working | October 19, 2012

(I am an IT guy and we have just set up a new computer network in our department. I am helping a coworker reset her password when we are rudely interrupted by another coworker, who is known as the office loudmouth.)

Loudmouth: “Hey, I want to clean my keyboard! It’s filthy.”

Me: “Okay, let me finish here and I’ll go back to my office and bring you some safewipes.”

Loudmouth: “Okay, but hurry up. I’m busy!”

(I sort out the first coworker’s problem, get the wipes and return. It takes 10 minutes max.)

Loudmouth: “I couldn’t wait for your crappy safewipes. I used correction fluid thinners and it cleaned up a treat!”

Me: “Oh, I was wondering why your keyboard is melting and why there are no letters printed on the keys.”

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