(We have a regular who comes in for special sandwiches that are made on Mondays and Fridays only. When she comes in, it’s on a Thursday and the guy who makes them at the deli isn’t there. Instead, it’s a new guy who’s still being trained.)

Customer: “Black and blue with horse sauce on the side.”

(FYI, she wants pumpernickel bread with roast beef, bleu cheese and horseradish sauce on the side.)

New Employee: “Uh, sorry? I don’t know what that is.”

Customer: *annoyed* “I want the black and blue with the horse sauce on the side.

New Employee: “Let me get someone else. I’m new, so I don’t know what that is.”

Customer: “God, are you stupid? I want the black and blue with horse sauce on the side! Is that so freaking hard to understand?

Other Employee: *overhears* “Yes, ma’am, I’ll get that made for you right now. He’s new, so he doesn’t know about our sandwich specialties.”

(Upon hearing this, the customer suddenly turns sweet and smiles.)

Customer: “OH! You’re new? How many days have you been working here?”

New Employee: “Only two days, ma’am.”

Customer: “Well, watch out for those crazies. You’re bound to get a few!”

Twilight vs. Harry Potter Fans! In the battle between Team Edward and Team Harry, which fans are more devoted? Find out in this week’s roundup!

1. Some Callers Are Proper Dementor (7,172 thumbs up)
   A Harry Potter fan meets the real life Viktor Krumm!
2. You’d Bella Believe It (4,167 thumbs up)
   The only ABCs this customer knows are Alice, Bella, and Carlisle.
3. Totally, Like, Aguamenti (2,569 thumbs up)
   This totally wet reader’s Harry Potter books could use an Impervius Charm!
4. Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 8 (827 thumbs up)
   You know you’re a devoted Twilight fan when when you name your children Edward and Bella.
5. The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 3 (5,329 thumbs up)
   A pair of Twilight-hating prankster teens inadvertently scores one for Team Harry!

PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

(I’ve just rung up a customer’s order and am handing her bingo cards.)

Me: “Good luck!”

Customer: *slaps my hand with her bingo cards* “Oh, h*** no! I don’t believe in good luck!”

Me: “Okay, then… bad luck?”

Customer: “Now that’s more like it!”

(My husband and I are about to move house, and need to buy a new toaster. Note that I’ve just posted a status update on FB about this.)

Me: “How are you supposed to choose a toaster? How do you know what you want?”

Husband: “Do you think we’re allowed to take a piece of bread with us to see?!”

Me: “Did you just read my Facebook status?”

Husband: “No, why?”

(I quote the FB status that I typed about 5 minutes earlier:)

“When you buy a new toaster, is it okay to take a piece of bread with you to make sure it fits?”

Me: “Great minds think alike!”

(I am in a clothing store with my mother and wander off to look at some clothes. Five minutes later, I hear a message from the speakers.)

Speakers: “Will [my name] please come to the registers? [My name], your mother is looking for you.”

(I figure they mean someone else, but I still make my way towards the register. I’m quite surprised to see my mother standing there.)

Mother: “Darling! I was worried. You can’t just wander off on your own!”

(The cashier looks at me in disbelief. I take my mother by the arm and leave the store. For the record, I had just turned 19!)