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Don’t Call Me Baby

| USA | Romantic | October 22, 2012

(When people ask how my husband and I met, it often leads to funny conversations.)

Friend: “How did you two first meet?”

Husband: “She was naked in the bath.”

Friend: “Uh, okay, I didn’t need to know that specific.”

Me: “And, I don’t even remember it.”

Husband: “Neither do I. Our parents told us.”

Friend: *wide-eyed* “What? You guys drunk or something?”

Husband: “I also tried to get in with her, but her mom kicked me out.”

Friend: “Excuse me?! Is this a joke?”

Husband: “Nope.”

Friend: *silent, tense pause*

Me: “I was six months old, and he was one.”

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Doesn’t Need A Big Fat Awesome Apology

| Southaven, MS, USA | Romantic | October 22, 2012

(I’m a very short, larger woman while my boyfriend is tall and lean. It’s our anniversary, and every year we reenact our first date, where we ride fair rides until nauseated. Most of the time I know which rides can accommodate me, so I don’t waste time trying to squeeze in smaller rides or hop on the bigger
ones.)

Me: “Okay, so what do you want to ride next? Ferris-wheel?”

Boyfriend: “Nah, not fast enough.” *points to a ride that I haven’t seen before* “Let’s try that.”

Me: *skeptical* “I don’t know. It looks like I might not be able to fit.”

Boyfriend: “Nonsense! It just goes in a circle and barely off the ground. I’m sure you can ride it.”

Me: “Alright…”

(Sure enough, when I try to get on the ride, the handle bar doesn’t quite fit. The ride operator is waiting for me to get off while other patrons are waiting to get on.)

Me: *trying to laugh back my embarrassment “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I knew it wouldn’t work.” *struggling to get off* “I’m sorry!”

Boyfriend: *grabs my hand as he helps me get down* “Do not be sorry! This ride just can’t handle your awesomeness!”

(I dubbed him a keeper. He’s my fiancé now!)

 

Weekly Roundup: Weird Science

Not Always Right | Right | October 21, 2012

Weird Science! In this week’s roundup, we feature customers with a weird (or non-existent) comprehension of science!

  1. The Building Block(heads) Of Life (5,628 thumbs up)
    A brainless bookstore customer gets a crash course in Chemistry 101!
  2. Magnetic Lines Of Farce (3,127 thumbs up)
    This credit card customer doesn’t quite understand the “attraction” of magnetic stripes.
  3. A Heated Topic (3,870 thumbs up)
    A restaurant patron gets into a heated argument with an employee over the warmth of the sun!
  4. Science, Stripped Down To A Soundbite (2,031 thumbs up)
    Explaining condensation and temperature? It’s wasted on customers who just want a “watered”-down explanation.
  5. Can’t Keep A Good Waitress Down (4,038 thumbs up)
    A waitress gets a tip for giving a customer tips on gravity!

PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

Have Ambiguity, Will Travel

| Fort Collins, CO, USA | Right | October 21, 2012

Customer: “I need some maps.”

Me: “Maps of what?”

Customer: “Places.”

Me: “What kind of places?”

Customer: “Other places!”

Great Service, With Ifs And Butts

| Tampa Bay, FL, USA | Right | October 21, 2012

(I am a concierge at an historic hotel in the downtown area, and a common call that I receive is to deal with is customers losing items in the rooms.)

Me: “Hello, and thank you for calling [hotel]. This is [my name]. How can I be of service?”

Caller: “Hello, my name is [name] and I stayed a few nights there last weekend, from Friday to Sunday. I believe I may have, um, left some… jewellery in the room.”

Me: “Ah, well, I would be glad to ring the maid service and have them check their lost and found. Could you describe the item that you’re looking for?”

Caller: “Well, that’s the thing. You see, I kind of want you to be discreet about this.”

Me: “Of course sir; if you wish, I will check for the item myself.”

Caller: “That would be great. Now, what I’m looking for is very expensive; it’s silver with several small diamonds in it.”

Me: “Okay, sir, but what exactly is it?”

Caller: *obviously flustered at this point* “Well, um, it’s a…” *in a whisper* “…butt plug.”

Me: *I wasn’t really sure that I heard what I just heard.* “Excuse me, sir?”

Caller: “A butt plug? You know, for…”

Me:*interrupting* “Oh, yes, yes. I understand. Let me have your contact information and I will check the lost and found. But, to be honest, it is possible that it was thrown away, considering.”

Caller: “Oh, I hope not, that thing was very expensive! To be honest, I really just need to be careful where I leave that thing.”

(I almost died holding back laughter at this point.)

Caller: “Well, if it shows up you can call me at [phone number]. Thank you, young man, you’ve been very helpful. Just let me know!”

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