Archive for 2012

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Hot Food Can Leave You Feeling Warm & Fuzzy

, | New Mexico, USA | Right | October 22, 2012

(I am working the closing shift at a popular fast food place. It is a few minutes to closing, and I am in a hurry to get everything cleaned so I could go home when a police officer walks in.)

Officer: *pulls out a note* “Um, you guys have baked potatoes, right?”

Me: “Yes sir, sour cream and chive, bacon and cheese, and chili and cheese.”

Officer: “The bacon and cheese, and a cheddar burger?”

Me: “No problem. Was there anything else for you tonight?”

Officer: “No, I think that’s it. It’s for a girl we just rescued. She got caught up in human trafficking and we wanted to get her something warm to eat.”

(Shocked, I finished ringing up his order. I immediately tracked down my manager and convinced him to ring it up as a manager meal, which is free. I also wrote a note that said good luck. The officer thanked me and left. A week later, I saw on the news that she made it home safe.)

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Reading Requires Reason

| Yorkshire, England, UK | Right | October 22, 2012

(I work at a very busy college, with around 10,000 spread over three sites. During office hours, all calls divert to the main free-phone number, which just happens to be covered by me.)

Me: “Hello, [company name], how can I help?”

Caller: “Yes, I want to make a complaint. I sent an email around two weeks ago and still haven’t heard anything back!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. Let me check the records and I’ll call you back in ten minutes.”

(I then check all emails from two weeks ago, then three weeks ago. No luck. When I look for one week ago, I find the enquiry and the reply, sent within three hours. I call the client back.)

Me: “Our records show that we responded within three hours of your enquiry. You may be looking to far down in your mailbox as the replay was sent one week ago, not two.”

Caller: “Well, I haven’t checked my email.”

Me: “Wait, if you haven’t checked your email, why have you called to complain?”

Caller: “Well, I don’t read my emails very often!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we can only send the email, not make you read them.”

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A Few Petals Short Of A Flower

| USA | Right | October 22, 2012

(I work in Parks and Recreation, and our very public number means that we get a lot of interesting phone calls. An older woman calls me. Please note that it takes her at least a minute to say each sentence.)

Me: “Parks and Rec, how can I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, I’d like to give you some ideas about going green.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, what can I do for you?”

Caller: “Petunias. The city needs more petunias. Petunias everywhere.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, that sounds like a great idea. Our horticulturists are always looking for feedback from citizens.”

Caller: “I’m not done. I want every household to get a basket of petunias, and if they let them die we need to punish them.”

Me: “Um—”

Caller: “We can make the ethnics do it. It will create responsibility for the drug-heads and the gangster children.”

Me: “Um, ma’am, if I can just—”

Caller: “The petunias need to be protected. We need to have petunia gardens everywhere to create responsibility! It wouldn’t be hard, just go down to the prisons and make the ethnics—”

Me: “Okay! Thanks for calling! Goodbye!”

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Yukon Not Steal It

| Strasbourg, France | Right | October 22, 2012

(I’m Canadian, but I’m visiting my French cousin and helping him do some repairs on his cafe. While we’re working, a large family passes by, obviously lost. I’m wearing a shirt with a large Canadian flag on the back.)

Mother: “Excuse me! I’m sorry to bother you, but are you Canadian?”

Me: “Yes, I am.”

Mother: “Thank god! We’ve been lost for hours.”

(She shows me her map. Ultimately, I work out they’re trying to cross the border into Germany, but got lost trying to find out how to get there.)

Father: “Good thing the signs are all in French, or else we wouldn’t have managed to find our way around anywhere!”

Me: “Yeah, it sure makes things easier for Canadians, eh?”

(Suddenly, there’s a scuffle behind me. My cousin comes out dragging two of their sons behind him.)

Cousin: “They were trying to steal bottles of juice! I heard them planning it!”

Son #1: *to Son #2* “Well, how was I supposed to know they speak French here? They all sound so different!”

(Quebecois and French speakers do sound somewhat different, but angry mothers are universal!)

 

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No ID, No Idea, Part 9

| Pennsylvania, USA | Right | October 22, 2012

(I’m working the cash register. I’m supposed to card anyone who looks under 30 when they are buying cigarettes.)

Me: “Hello, how are you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, good. Can I have a box of [cigarette brand].”

Me: “Sure! May I see your ID?” *the customer looks around 25 years old*

Customer: “Excuse me?”

Me: “I need to see your ID. The law is becoming very strict about carding people and you look under 30.”

Customer: “Oh, I see! You just want my ID to see my address so you can know where I live. You’re probably going to sneak into my house in the middle of the night and take these back from me. I’m 39. I shouldn’t be carded, so that’s the only reason I see!”

Me: “Yep, you got me. That’ll be $6.99.”

Customer: “I’ll be watching. don’t think I won’t be!”

Me: “Have a good day, sir.”

 

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