(This coworker and I have an awkward relationship as he’s constantly making strange comments to me. I generally try to avoid him.)

Coworker: “Do you ever want to have kids someday?”

Me: “Eventually.”

Coworker: “What kind do you want?”

Me: “Boys.”

Coworker: “Why?”

Me: “Because I think little boys have lots of imagination.”

Coworker: “I have lots of imagination. I think I’d make a good father for your kids…”

(I have just finished swimming at a public pool and am going to get changed. A woman in her early 40s is standing near my locker. I am wearing speedos, but I am 16 and slim so it doesn’t usually bother people.)

Woman: “You shouldn’t be wearing those.”

Me: “Sorry?”

(She approaches me and points at my speedos.)

Woman: “You shouldn’t wear those trunks. They’re what gay people wear!”

Me: *speechless*

Woman: “Are you gay?”

Me: “No, I’m not. I just find them comfortable to swim in.”

Woman: “Well, if you’re not gay, you shouldn’t be wearing them!”

(She then grabs the waistband of my speedos and tries to pull them down. Thankfully they’re tied tight. I slap her hands away.)

Me: “Woah, what the h***?!”

Woman: “You need to get them off or you’ll become gay!”

(The sound of her screaming draws the attention of a lifeguard, who wanders over.)

Lifeguard: “What’s going on here?”

Woman: “Get away from me!”

(The woman runs off, leaving me and the lifeguard to look at one another in confusion. I’ve now started swimming at a different pool!)

(At the gas station where I work, a bunch of young, smart-mouthed customers are holding up the line, talking about how f***ed up they’re going to get that night. I call several times but they’re too busy goofing off to notice. Eventually, a large, 6’6″ and ripped middle-aged gentleman who is also waiting taps one of the young customers on his shoulder. The young customer almost mouths off to the large gentleman, but thinks better of it and turns to me.)

Young Customer: “Hey, can I get a pack of cigarettes?”

Me: “I’m gonna need to see your ID.”

Young Customer: “I’m gonna need to see YOUR ID!”

(I immediately pull out my wallet and flip it open so it’s showing my ID.)

Me: “Still gonna need to see your ID.”

Young Customer: “Look, a**hole! I’m old enough to buy alcohol and you will sell me—”

(At this moment, the large and ripped gentleman who has been patiently waiting behind walks up, pushes the smart-mouthed customer out of the way, and puts his stuff down.)

Gentleman: “Hey, can I get a pack of cigarettes?’

Me: “Not a problem, sir.”

Gentleman: *to the young customer* “THAT’S how easy it is for adults. Maybe you’ll get there someday.”

Me: “Hi, how can I help?”

Customer: “I want a bag of Malteasers.”

Me: “Sure, just a moment…”

(I reach under the counter and take a bag of Malteasers from the drawer.)

Me: “That’s $5.50.”

Customer: “No, I don’t want those!”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “Those ones you keep below the counter are all crushed up together! ”

(She bangs the bag up and down on the counter. If they weren’t before, they’re probably a bit crushed now.)

Me: “They felt fine when I took them out, but I can get you another.”

Customer: “I want those ones!”

(The customer points to the wall behind me. We hang some expired stock there just to show what we have available.)

Me: “I’m sorry, that’s just for display. It’s expired stock.”

Customer: “I don’t care. I want one of those.”

Me: “Uh, okay.”

(I reach for a nearby bag on the wall.)

Customer: “No, not that one! I want one of the ones up there. Right up the top!”

Me: “Those are under the lights. They’ve probably melted.”

Customer: “One of those!”

Me: “Okay…”

(I scramble onto the counter behind me and take down one of the expired, partially melted bags at the top of the wall.)

Me: “That’s $5.50.”

Customer: “THANK YOU!”

(I work at a major pet retail store. A customer approaches the register, talking on her cell phone, and puts a dog toy on the counter.)

Customer: “[Competitor] has this for $7.99 and you’re charging $9.99! It’s too expensive!”

Me: “I can price match it for you, ma’am—”

Customer: “You shouldn’t charge so much! It’s ridiculous!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s—”

Customer: *to her friend on the phone* “It’s so expensive here!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s only two dollars.”

Customer: *embarrassed* “I don’t have two dollars. I only have a credit card.”

Me: “We take credit for any amount, ma’am.”

(The customer swipes her card, takes her purchase, and rushes off, talking to her friend on the phone.)

Customer: “Oh my God, I’m so embarrassed! I just made a huge fuss and it was only two dollars!”