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Sub-standard Operating Procedures

| Mechelen, Belgium | Working | October 24, 2012

Me: “Hi, can you please assist us? Our email is not working.”

Service Desk: “Please send an email, as per standard operating procedure.”

Me: “But I can’t send an e-mail. Our email is not working.”

Service Desk: “We cannot act on a phone call. We need an email to start a ticket.”

Me: “I don’t think you understand: my email is not working, and it is the same for my coworkers.”

Service Desk: “No, you don’t understand. As per standard operating procedure, without an email, we cannot open a ticket.”

(This continued for awhile, but neither I nor my coworkers got anywhere. Finally, one of my coworkers was so fed up with it that he went home and sent an email from his personal address!)


Running Afowl Of The Customer

| Montreal, QC, Canada | Working | October 24, 2012

(I am a vegetarian for very specific health reasons. I am out for supper to a popular Italian restaurant with friends and family. I know what I want to eat, but the waiter is pushing a special on fettuccine alfredo).

My Sister: “Doesn’t the alfredo you make here have chicken stock in it?”

Waiter: *rolls eyes* “Good Lord, no; it’s ALFREDO! It’s vegetarian.”

Me: “Well, if you’re sure, then I’ll try it.”

Waiter: “GOD, it’s alfredo! Cream sauce, you know? You’ll like it.”

(My sister orders one too, and hers arrives before mine. She takes a bite.)

My Sister: “It’s delicious, but you won’t want to eat it. It has chicken stock in it.”

Waiter: “IT DOES NOT!”

Me: “Could you just go ask the cook? Please?”

Waiter: “FINE!”

(We don’t see the waiter for at least 15 minutes. When he returns, he sheepishly takes my plate.)

Waiter: “Can I get you the pesto? On the house?”

Matching Shirts

| Related | October 24, 2012

Their Jokes Jar Jar Stinks

| Bristol, England, UK | Related | October 24, 2012

(My dad and I are watching the end of the ‘Star Wars: Clone Wars’ cartoon. I’ve only just walked in and don’t really know what’s going on, but Anakin and Padme are being obviously romantic. My dad has a habit of saying ‘She’s your girlfriend. You like her’, when TV shows are over the top romantic.)

Dad: “Your girlfriend, she is.”

Me: *without missing a beat* “Like her, you do.”

Dad: “I taught you well, young padawan.”

Well, If Gwyneth Paltrow Did It…

| VA, USA | Related | October 24, 2012

(My cousin is throwing a baby-shower for me. One of the guests is her aunt–in-law. I am not directly related to this woman, but have known her most of my life. She is known for being a little kooky and scatter-brained.)

Me: “Oh, this is so cute and it has his name on it!”

(I hold up a one-sie that says “Ben’s Banana Shop,” and has a monkey on it.)

Aunt-in-law: “You’re going to name the baby Banana?!?”

(It took us the rest of the baby-shower to get her to understand that I was not going to name my child ‘Banana’. But my cousin’s family still calls him Banana, and we joke that he got his first nick name before he was born.)

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