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And The Nerds Shall IPO The Earth

| CA, USA | Family & Kids

(A customer and her 7-year-old son approach me in the electronics department. The son has some video game and video game memorabilia in his hands.)

Customer: *to her son* “Why do you want to buy that crap?” *to me* “I pray that he doesn’t grow up to be a nerd. I just wish he would color his hair and get some tattoos.”

Me: “Nothing wrong with nerds.”

Lady: *scoffs* “Let’s just hope it’s just a phase!”

You Say Barokee, I Say You Need To Pee

| Sardis, BC, Canada | Health & Body, Language & Words, Top, Tourists/Travel

(I work in a convenience store on the way to a lake (popular with tourists), and the till faces the front door. Currently, two women are in line, the first of which is paying with her debit card. Her back is to the door, and her head is down. Suddenly, a man comes bursting through the door yelling. Both women are incredibly startled.)

Man: “BAAARRRROKEE!”

Woman #1: “Oh my God!” *bolts upright*

(Woman #2 starts laughing hysterically, while Woman #1 has stopped in the middle of entering her pin to stare.)

Man: “BAAAAAA. ROOOOOO. KEEEEEEE. BAROOKEE. BAROOKE!”

Me: “Bathroom key?”

Man: “Yeah! Barookee!”

(He runs off in the direction of the bathroom, arms literally flailing.)

Woman #2: “How did you know what the heck he was saying?”

Me: *deadpan* “I speak tourist.”

Problem Exists Between Sign And Keyboard

| Yukon, Canada | Technology

(Note: The public computers in our office have been down and I’m in the process of repairing and cleaning them. As such, I’ve taped “Do Not Use” signs on the computer monitors. A client walks in, sits at the desk, pulls the sign off the monitor, and proceeds to try and use the mouse and keyboard.)

Client: “Why isn’t this working?! I need to check my email!”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but the computers aren’t working right now. I’m fixing them now. They should be up by this afternoon.”

Client: “I need to check my email right now! I demand you make them work!”

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry, but you can’t use the computer right now.”

Client: “And WHY NOT?!”

(I point to the computer tower on my work desk that’s currently in pieces.)

Me: “This is the computer, sir.”

Client: “So? I shouldn’t need that thing to make it work! All the important parts are still right here!”

(The “important parts” he’s referring to? The monitor and keyboard.)